Why Am I Unable To Forgive Someone After Knowing All The Benefits Of Forgiveness? How Do I Do It?
Once you understand what forgiveness means and how easily you can do it, you’ll be able to forgive.
But before that…
Just imagine, some day, some mistake happened by you. You realized it and you have deep repentance for it. However, the other person is just not ready to forgive you. Every time you meet him, forget about a smile, he turns his face and ignores you. How would you feel?
On the other hand, when the same mistake happened by you with some third person, your feelings of remorse were similar, as in the earlier case. But this person was quick to forgive. Whenever you meet him, he makes sure you don’t feel sorry for your past behaviour, but at the same time he is cautious enough in case you make such error again. How would you feel here?
Now, we take one more instance where, again the same mistake happens by you with some person. But you observe that this person has not taken your mistake into consideration at all. He is perfectly normal as before, in his behaviour, as if nothing has happened. There is no print of this incident seen in any of his thoughts, speech or actions. It is because his understanding is that ‘such things happen in life, today it has happened by you, tomorrow it could happen by me or someone else.
And even if you’ve done this deliberately to hurt me, I don’t want to get hurt and harness a wound inside me. Nor do I want to give you the feeling of guilt and make you sad. I want to always remain happy and I am happy when you are happy, when everyone around me is happy!” Due to this understanding, he doesn’t see you guilty and hence there arises no need for him to forgive you. Whenever you’ll meet, you always find him cheerful, vibrant, clear and positive. What would your feelings be then?
So are you seeing the difference in the above three scenarios? Analyze how you would feel in each case and also try to analyze your vibes towards each person.
What you feel in the first scenario is very much the feeling you are giving to that someone whom you are unable to forgive. And your vibes in that scenario suggest the kind of vibes that that someone would be having for you when you are non-forgiving. Neither you are happy nor is the other person.
In the second scenario, both are trying to take one step forward from their side towards patching up and normalizing things. However, the burden remains, which ought to get cleared.
And in the third scenario, there’s no scope given for any negativity; it’s only love that fosters in their relationship. And where there’s love, there’s peace, harmony, tranquillity, good vibes and an everlasting happiness. Who wouldn’t want that? But for that, one ought to have the right understanding and be all-forgiving. Forgiving someone is a part of loving them. Love brings about oneness; where there’s love there’s no divide of yours and mine.
Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says, “It is the ego that sees others’ mistakes. The ego is always the one who sees the faults.” And the remedy he suggests to come out of this situation is, “Keep asking for forgiveness the whole daylong. Get into the habit of doing this. Only through the Gnani’s (the Enlightened One’s) grace will your work be done. There is no need for you to go about doing anything frantically. The Gnani’s grace is bestowed upon you when you abide by his prescribed instructions (aagnas). By abiding by his aagnas, you will acquire the state of unperturbed bliss.”
So here, Dadashri talks about asking for forgiveness, before forgiving someone.
It is because until we are unable to forgive, a wall between the two shall remain. To break this wall, we ought to ask for forgiveness. The anger is like a poison and forgiveness is the only antidote.
But when we’re angry, the emotion can be so strong and blinding that asking for forgiveness could be the last thing our mind / ego may be ready for. You may find your emotions screaming at you to hate, punish and never forgive that person. It’s hard to let go of those feelings. Moreover, we are generally angry about a situation because it feels right to us. But that’s our viewpoint. The other person’s viewpoint could be diametrically opposite, isn’t it?
Gnani says, “No matter how right or good we may be, if someone’s being hurt due to us (in this case, if nothing else, one would feel hurt due to our inability to forgive him/ her for sure), we ought to seek forgiveness from that person.” If we hold onto these words of Gnani and do as he says, anger shall not overpower us; and it shall yield best results, such that we may have never imagined!
Also, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan teaches us a very easy way to do this!
You don’t have to go to that person and ask for forgiveness. You directly connect with the Pure Soul (God) residing in the other person and with a pure heart, do pratikraman. Pratikraman means we pray to God with deep repentance in our heart, “Oh God, I made this mistake of seeing the other person at fault when it was actually my own karma that was giving the result. Please forgive me and grant me strength so that I do not make this mistake again.” The negativity or the guilt-feeling within us will automatically dissolve and it will make us feel light.
Really, we all are one!
We are a Pure Soul. Yes, that’s our real identity.
After Self-Realization, if someone insults you or causes damage to you, you will begin to see that the person insulting you is not at fault, he is only an instrument (apparent doer). How can the action of insulting originate without any cause? We sowed the seeds of insult in our past life. Therefore according to the law of karma, the cause karmas of receiving insults were accumulated, and when it was time for the maturation of the fruit of this particular karma, all circumstances came together and it resulted as an effect when the insult manifested into physical form. The person who happened to insult was one of the circumstance and therefore faultless. This is the exact science!
With this right knowledge, we understand that, “This insult is the result of my own karmas.” In this way, one does not create new karmas and becomes free. And if by mistake, we perceive the person who insulted to be the culprit, then we must do pratikraman at that very moment, so that the seeds of karma do not get sown and thus our mistake will not come into fruition in the future.
Right understanding is the key to happiness. And Self-Realization gets us there. Today, through Akram Vignan, we can attain the most invaluable and precious Self-Realization with the direct grace of Gnani, the Enlightened One, in just two hours only, and that too totally free of cost. So, first and foremost, let’s attain Self-Realization from Gnani, and do pratikraman, as advised by him, shall we?!
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