Who Are You?

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Somewhat distracted during a morning meditation, I found myself looking at a collage of photographs I’d created, depicting the past fifty-some years of my life. Glancing from one picture to the next, I paused when I came to a photo of me at age fifteen. Unlike the happy girl/woman in the other pics, I appeared sad and uncertain.

But isn’t that normal for females at that age? I suppose it’s one of those times in life when we’re afraid to shine, terrified of not being accepted by our peers.

Being a teenager is challenging at its best. Even if you are one of the popular kids, that does not guarantee you don’t struggle with self-esteem. While I fell somewhere in between “being cool” and “not,” I suppose it was during my sophomore year when I began to change. Suddenly aware how much others’ opinions mattered, I surrendered a piece of who I was to become the teenage girl I thought I should be. Yet, this picture reminded me of how much confidence I lacked. Fearful that showing up as my true self would not be enough, I compromised who I was in hope of being accepted.

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My 40th high school reunion was several weeks ago. Though I couldn’t attend, it was great to see the Facebook posts and pics of former classmates. It was then I wondered—how did others perceive me during those high school years? Did they know the real me? But how could they when I clearly had no idea who I was.