When You Stopped Expecting Too Much From Life, Did You Actually Become Happier?
Oh! I had expectations from all corners of life!
• Expectation from self to do things in the best manner.
• Expectation from the loved ones to always be loving and supportive, and do things as I said.
• Expectation from the workplace to appreciate my work-performances.
• Expectation from people around me to behave very kindly and respectfully.
• Expectation from society to act responsibly and stand besides the needy with love and care.
• Expectation from life that it gives me everything I need to be happy in life.
•Life was full of expectations. But I didn’t know that I had so many expectations.
All that I realized was that, as long as things went as I wished, I was happy! But when I could not get the desired results, I experienced deep suffering in such situations.
In a satsang then, I got to understand the deeper science!
Cause: The reason why expectations arise is ‘attachment’.
Effect: Owing to our expectations, we undergo suffering.
However, while it is difficult to figure out our expectations, suffering is what we immediately know. Hence, from our suffering, we can find out our expectations; and also unearth our underlying attachment, that is at the root of it.
This science made me aware of the deep attachment that I had for myself and for people I loved a lot. And through this chain of cause and effect, I began to quickly identify expectations that I had from life and from everyone present in my life. But oh gosh! there were tons of them! How do I get rid of these expectations? Does it mean I’ve to leave the people who are so dear to me? I was completely puzzled; and to be honest, very scared too…
While I was trying to find some direction, I came across a video clip – you too can watch it at https://www.dadabhagwan.org/books-media/videos/english/attachment+and+hatred/
Here, Pujya Deepakbhai, an enlightened being says:
We do not have to leave people nor do we have to forsake the relationship, we only have to dissolve our attachment.
When we get suffering, we come to know that I have expectation from this person. And since my expectation is not getting fulfilled, I am experiencing this suffering. So, from our suffering we come to know about our attachment.
And when we dissolve our attachment with Gnan (the right knowledge), we can live with the person with love, such that he does not get hurt by us.
This intrigued me. I wanted to know more about this, as I was still hesitant to dissolve my attachments.
I then learned that there is a vast difference between love and attachment.
Attachment is a weakness. Where there is attachment, there are a lot of fluctuating emotions that we go through. When together, there is a feeling of sadness in facing a situation where the person will have to be away from us. When away, there is restlessness and anxiety for being together as soon as possible. There is a constant fear that the person we love does not get hurt or harmed in any way. It baffles us when there crops us some misunderstanding between us. It pains us when there are quarrels or fights. It shocks us when there are blames and accusations from either side. And it kills us when there is parting.
Whereas in love, there are no disturbing emotions; there is only love, sheer love!! Love remains stable, irrespective of what the outer circumstance is. Such is the nature of real love for there are no expectations in this love!! . But what is Gnan?…
Gnan means right knowledge. The ultimate knowledge is the knowledge of the Self (Self-Realization)! Once we attain Self Realization from Gnani, the Enlightened One, we realize that really ‘I’m a Pure Soul.’ The Pure Soul is the abode of Infinite Bliss!! Just like after eating sweet if we drink tea, we do not enjoy the taste of tea; similarly, after experiencing the bliss of the Self (the Pure Soul), the happiness derived from fulfillment of expectations turns out to be pretty insignificant.
Moreover, after Self-Realization, we understand that nobody is actually the independent doer of anything; it happens when all circumstances come together. For example, only when the timing is right, when the clouds arrive, when there is lightning, and all the required circumstances when come together, it will rain. So, if everyone and everything in life is dependent upon circumstances, how can I expect things to happen the way I wish? Even if one of the circumstances falls short, I will not be able to get what I desire from life. So, what is the point then in expecting too much from life?
This Gnan (right knowledge) automatically made me contented with whatever I received from life.
I noticed that I had stopped expecting too much from life. I could easily accept whatever life offered me, at whatever time. No matter what the outcome is, I observed that I was happy either ways!
When I stopped expecting too much from life, I started remaining happy all the time. This happened with the help of the right knowledge that I received from Pujya Deepakbhai, the Living Gnani!!! With the grace of Gnani, I attained Self-Realization. And following His teachings, I could dissolve a lot of my attachments, the source wherefrom the expectations flow…
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