What Are The Real Reasons Husbands And Wives Fight?
Couples fight, and it is a known fact of life!
If you are in a long term relationship with anyone, you two may have argued.
While some arguments are important and even necessary, most of them are really funny. And some of the conflicts are so funny that you would think it would have been better if I had just been quiet at that time.
Let’s go through some examples and it will become evident how we often lose our cool and get angry over completely unnecessary things.
● The toilet paper roll is meant to be going over the top. What makes you think it should be coming from down?
● Well, whenever I decide to make paneer for dinner, suddenly the craving for Mexican rises up in you?
● Yet again, no salt in the soup?!
● I have done the cooking. So obviously, it’s you who will do the cleaning and dishes today.
● How can you forget to fetch tomatoes from the market? Your memory conveniently lapses where it doesn’t have to, isn’t it?
● Do you think I have done this deliberately? You are doubting my intention?!
● What restaurant do we go for dinner, Honey, you decide today! But dare you say the Italian restaurant!
● What makes you choose that dirty blue for our dining room? It has to be green; and that’s final.
● Bollywood… No, Hollywood…. No, bollywood…. I said, Hollywood…. I said, Bollywood…. You can’t have it your way all the time…. Look who’s talking! Last time, it was you who ruled.
● Every time you want to go to India only. I want to go to Aruba this time. My wish also matters, right?
Such petty quarrels keep adding and there comes a point where egos start getting involved and that is when the game gets spoilt. Sometimes it even leads to separation.
How do you avoid daily quarrel with your significant other?
Param Pujya Dadashri gives us an experiment to try. He says, why don’t you make a decision not to quarrel for at least three days and see what happens. Just like people go on a 3 day cleansing diet to improve their health; in the same way, let us go on a 3 day quarrel-free agreement. Everyone at home should sit down together and decide, “I liked what Dada said. From this moment onwards we will not allow any quarrels to take place.” Then just see what happens.
Param Pujya Dadashri says, “One is not to win the world, he has to win the home (family).” So come, let’s learn how to handle those heated moments between us and our partner.
1. Recognize your partner’s personality – When you study your partner’s personality, you are able to recognize his or her likes and dislikes. This will enable you to react accordingly and avoid conflicts.
2. Be flexible – if you and your partner make a firm decision to adjust with each other, you will find a solution together. If one is insistent, the other person should learn to automatically adjust, else it will go bizarre!
3. Finding the middle ground in your interests – It is natural to have varying interests. So, how do you go about enjoying what you like, and at the same time do what your partner likes also? Without changing each other’s interests, you just need to apply this small key, which is to compromise. If you like going out and your partner likes to spend time at home, then you can plan something so that both of you are able to enjoy yourselves. Stay in some nights, and go out on others – Simple! That way both of you will be able to enjoy each other’s company and interests without letting it take a toll on your relationship. The secret behind how to make a marriage work lies in love and acceptance of each other and in the circumstances as they unfold.
4. Cool the fire of conflict – Param Pujya Dadashri says, “First of all, conflicts should not arise in the home, and if they do arise, then try to diffuse them. If you feel that an argument is about to ignite, then cool it down by sprinkling some water. If there are conflicts between you two, it will affect your children’s lives. It has all kinds of adverse effects on those delicate children. Therefore, conflicts should go. If conflicts leave, even the children in the home will grow up well.”
Param Pujya Dadashri extracted this principle from His own relationship with his wife Hiraba, He said, “Differences would naturally occur because I would say something to her for her own good; but even then, she would not appreciate it. So what other solution is there? In this world, it is not worth looking at good or bad, right or wrong. Whatever works is good and what doesn’t is bad. The key thing is to live life without conflict.”
Thus, as long as the conversation between you and your significant other is to maintain a healthy relationship and no one gets hurt the slightest, that should be good. But the minute you think it is getting into a heated argument, you may want to take a step back and apply the tips listed above.
The trick is to avoid fighting over meaningless things and reserve our energy for meaningful dialogues. Let’s use our time in thinking about those little ways by which we can help our partner sort out things he / she cannot manage on their own, and actually come forth and make those small little sacrifices, which over time will add up into winning the heart of our own soulmate. When you do things with the right understanding, your life will be happy and it will make your partner happy too. All the best!
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