The Gift – A Client Story
When I initially wrote this, I did not intend to share this much, but Paige gave me permission to use her name, so I want you to get to know her by sharing a touch of her “story”… (and because I know that the insights she gained will speak to many of you.)
Paige initially came to see me for Anger Management. We have been working together fairly frequently for a few months now and when she first arrived, she sincerely wanted to do better – to be better. She could not figure out “what was wrong with her” because the anger and rage would just take over at times.
With each session, we would remove more and more layers. Her gentle, caring soul now shines brightly. Some days I just want to jump on the table and cuddle her -ok, I want to do that with many of you. (Insert smile here.)
Paige is only in her mid-twenties – and I am utterly jealous of the beauty she is finding in herself and in others. She is practicing self-compassion, presence, self-awareness and patience, all before most people reach a point in life to even realize that’s a “thing”?! At her age, I was still in an “I know everything” cycle. (Insert puke face here.)
She IS creating the life that she wants to experience. She will experience pure joy and happiness more often than the anger that was keeping her safe. I am beyond happy for her.
To give you a bit of insight, here is a blurb of one of her sessions.
“Dena, I’ve been crying all morning. I am so frustrated. My boyfriend said that I need to get friends of my own. That we are too co-dependent. I have friends, just not close friends here (in Colorado). It’s just me and my boss at the office, so I don’t have the opportunity like he does to make friends at work.”
More information was shared here, but it boils down to Paige’s boyfriend essentially shaming her a bit so that he wouldn’t feel guilty about going out with his friends. We talked it over and I helped her understand that it had nothing to do with her boyfriend’s judgment of her and that it was more about him feeling bad about leaving her alone, so he created stories to make himself feel better about the situation.
The question is, why was she upset about him wanting more space? She told me that she can be alone just fine. Paige says that she Loves her routine and she needs it, in fact. She said it keeps her feeling safe. She enjoys coming home from work, making dinner and just relaxing… Right? (The tears flowed as she shared this.)
I asked her, “why do you think you are being triggered?”
Paige exhaled like most of you do with my questions and said, “Maybe I’m not ok with being alone.” – she felt this response. (Insert her DAMNIT face here).
And there it was!
Self-realization can be a bitch. It can be painful and ugly. However, Paige decided to be with it – All of it! She chose to feel and honor it instead of pushing it down and pretending like it didn’t exist or even affect or upset her. She began to gently unwrap each delicate and sometimes HEAVY layer of this gift.
As we continued our work together, we discovered more and more we did some tapping (performed EFT) around the fear of change. Paige allowed herself to feel the fear of judgment and the unknown; it flowed through her and she released it. As a result, she became lighter and found the gem in her new awareness.
If we dig deep enough, there is ALWAYS a gift.
Paige had plans to go to Yoga with a new “friend,” that night, but was quietly planning to cancel so she could just go home, cook dinner and relax. After she embraced her new gift of self-realization, she was excited to go outside of her comfort zone. She texted me later that evening and said that it was “phenomenal!”
Paige was ready for this level of clearing because of the other work that she had done. There would have been no way she would have even entertained this concept if she hadn’t already experienced the freedom from her previous sessions. Paige comes to each energy clearing with a half-smile – she’s ready but….
This work is NOT easy. It’s layers and layers of what we think is protection, but with each layer is a new gift.
A new freedom. Lightness and empowerment.
Feeling our own AAUUUGGGGHHHH is entirely different when we are in it. It’s thick and disgusting. The hotness builds and our instinct wants to push it down and pretend like we don’t care, but when we take the time to ask the difficult questions, when we practice discernment (read my blog about this here) to allow ourselves to feel the pain and discomfort, we release the B.S. story that we thought was keeping us safe. We are lighter and more open to what the world is offering.
Oh, what a beautiful gift!
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