Soulmates, No-Shows And The Purpose Of Relationships…

Soulmates, No-Shows And The Purpose Of Relationships

We have many soulmates and not all will be romantic/sexual. The connections are always felt really deeply, fated and destined – as if we are just picking up from where we started. It is known and it feels like home. But we already know all this. Twin flames, soulmates, karmic partners, energetic bonds, true love … the list goes on and on and on. And I want to say this: we need to understand that all people are purposeful in our life. Is one human more important than the other? Is one relationship more important than the other?

When we define and categorize, we ultimately limit ourselves; we rob ourselves of the experience of a connection. I don’t think we should focus on definitions – it is about the experience. We need to learn to honor all of our connections rather than put them in some human-made boxes of definitions. We need to move away from such restrictions – and focus on ourselves and our intentions.

If it brings you back to yourself and your true path – the relationship was of love and it was meant to be. This is the higher purpose of relationships.

But let’s dig in further.

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The soulmates

There are two main reasons for having a relationship in life:

  1. We need someone else to reflect un-integrated parts of ourselves so that through them our shadow sides surface and we can then have the opportunity to integrate them. This is why you will notice that many higher vibrational people devoted to their spirituality spend many years being single. They are already doing their work and don’t need someone to catalyze them.
  2. We have a soul contract to create something as “we” – a child, for example.

Our partner will be of a vibrational match to us where we can reciprocate what we offer to each other. And if they are not a vibrational match we would not feel truly fulfilled, and we’ll never be able to stay in each other’s lives. Sometimes people separate not because they don’t love each other any longer, but they just no longer walk the same path and share the same values or vision. This is not a failure. An end is not a failure and we should move forward with peace and compassion for the time that we’ve been in each other’s lives.

We call in people who have the information that we need to help us grow spiritually and advance in our chosen paths; they bring us back to ourselves so that they activate us in a way that we go back into our soul. And if we are not in vibrational alignment/match with our soul then yes, such connections may get really painful as they will be mirroring a lot of our shadow sides.

Soulmates act as catalysts; the purpose of which is to wake us up so that we reflect on where we are in our life and how far off we are from our true selves because essentially we can only attract what is resonant with our own vibration. This is why if we want better relationships we should focus on raising our own vibration first, so it would be impossible for someone of a lower vibe to stay in our life even when we think we want or love them. Each one of us is only responsible for ourselves, and if that person wants to stay in our life then that’s up to them to raise their own vibration through inner work and self-development.

Every relationship has its own specific purpose. For some of us, it is to have a baby with that person, for others, it is to build something of service together or to help them heal themselves with our energy. And yet for others, it is to wake them up and force them to face themselves and own up to their uncomfortable truths. The point is that we need to be grateful for every person with whom we cross paths. We should never romanticize spiritual concepts – especially if it is to perpetuate some toxic behavior or feed some insecurity or delusion. Some people just want someone else to validate their existence because they are not fulfilled on the inside. This is where misunderstood concepts can become dangerous. Be careful what ideas you feed yourself with in order to distract yourself from yourself.

The no-shows

I first learned of the “no-shows” from an amazing psychic medium, Karleen Love. What is that? Sometimes we meet a soulmate with whom we’ve had a soul contract to be together romantically – but this is still a free-will universe. And both need to say “yes” on soul level again. Otherwise, it won’t take roots. This can bring sadness because we do feel so deeply that it was supposed to be. It’s like being left standing at the train station. Someone was supposed to get off that train because you had an appointment – but they just didn’t show up. The reasons for that are many. Soulmates usually come for a specific soul lesson and experience to share together.

But don’t worry because you will never be denied your experience. Another one will come to help you along your path with whom you will share that experience.

Here is the thing between fate and destiny. Some meetings are fated indeed but what we do afterward is all up to us: that’s destiny. Destiny is about our character and the choices that we make each day. Every day we make a choice on the kind of person we want to be. Words, for example. They carry strong vibration and each day we make a choice whether to use them for kindness or harm— to encourage or to limit.

How our relationships will be is a two-way street and it is up to both partners; on the choices that they’ll make each day. Relationships, all relationships, are hard work and require effort, nurturing and paying attention to each other. We need to learn to treat each other with respect, trust, and integrity, no matter how many years we’ve been together. Even when we’ve lived with someone under the same roof, we all change and can’t take each other for granted. We need to explore our partners like art, rather than treat humans like disposables.

There is an invisible kingdom guiding us along the way and that the universe has our back. As much as it is our human nature to want to know things, we were never meant to know it all anyway. We want to belong and connect and make sense of this world, so this is why we like definitions and categories.

But this is how we separate ourselves even further. And with our limited consciousness and conditioned perceptions, we are incapable of understanding higher concepts beyond our human mind. This is not to demotivate us, but rather to settle us into peace; to allow life to happen and to surprise us in the landscapes of the mystery and the unknown.

In these liminal spaces where we don’t know it all, we are forced to become comfortable with the dark and the shadows. We’ll bump into people and things along the way, some will hurt and we’ll fall on our bums. These landscapes are full of twists and turns. Unlike our manmade roads, our life’s roads are never straight and direct.

And that’s okay. We’ll get to where we need to, with the ones who offer their hands to us when we need to. In the unknowns is where we learn to sharpen our intuition, heighten our senses and strengthen ourselves. Just allow life to happen. We all have our own paths and sometimes we just need to allow everyone else, as well as ourselves, to go through what we need to go through. Having said all that, I will also say past life relationships can be really difficult to deal with. There are often heavy residues from what you have experienced together (including trauma) and can be extremely difficult to detach and let go of such connections energetically.


Focus on you too

Do not hold on to people who are not good to you and always walk away from toxicity. Do not romanticize abuse and suffering; true love doesn’t abuse you. Know yourself and your true intentions and shadow sides. So don’t ever use spirituality as a way to perpetuate your illusions or toxic behaviors. Focus on you and raising your own vibration – and always, always, be clear about what your intentions are. Ask yourself, why do you want a relationship, why do you want this person? Once you meet “the one”, then what?

Love comes in many different ways. So never worry about that. It always finds a way. Do not burden yourself with how and why and who – just be present, open and know who you are and what you truly want. Who is meant to stay in your life will stay. I can’t even begin to tell you how I’ve met the most significant people in my life out of thin air. I can’t even explain to you how whoever was meant to find me always found me even in a different country, even when I did not want to and did everything possible to hide.

Understand that as rivers flow to the sea, what is will always be. It belongs to you – it is yours to be experienced only by you. And whoever doesn’t stay in your life – just let them go peacefully and gracefully. Be grateful no matter what happened – it was purposeful and needed, but walk away. Separation is an illusion anyway. You are always connected to “the one” you love no matter where they are. And the one, and all ones, who truly love you will not harm you. Of course, we’ll have disagreements and it won’t be easy, but they will not harm you.

The only way to grow love is to remember it. Our greatest adversary to building deeper connections to self and others is forgetfulness; forgetting our deeper truth, potential, and love. This is not about loving more. Love is our essence and it is our true nature already. Love is about wholeness and acceptance, in an unconditional way, gathering all parts of us that were meant to be whole. All we need to do is devote time, effort, clear intent and commitment to paying attention to each other.

So…take refuge in the quiet corner of your heart and know, deeply know, that like rivers flow to the sea, what is will always be. True love always finds it way. Even when you are strategically hiding from it. When you truly need it and it truly needs you to experience itself – it will find you.


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Lubomira Kourteva


Having lived across three continents, Lubomira is a Canadian author, poet, spiritual guide, humanitarian, and teacher of the Sacred Arts.…

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