How My Twin Flame’s Unavailability Helped Me Level Up
If you are attracted to this article, you probably have been on the twin flame journey for some time now. Perhaps you have found it an unrewarding experience, especially when you are unable to be with your love in this physical reality. I have experienced similar frustration and wanted to share the most recent part of my journey to help you navigate this sense of separation, which may feel overwhelming to you at this time.
After my last attempt at seeing my twin in the physical did not go the way I wanted, I felt crushed. I had driven quite a ways to see him, and although I did not regret the time or the drive, being ignored by him was heartbreaking. It took me a few days to recover from the rejection and agony of being unable to express this love I feel so deeply for my counterpart. I wanted to reach out for support, but the teachers who tend to help me the most were unavailable, and I knew most of my friends and family wouldn’t understand if I shared with them. It pushed me to go deep within myself, and through this, I realized that the desire to reach out to someone else was just an avoidance tactic.
My pain was coiled inside me, waiting for my own willingness to be truthful and intimate with it. The answers were all inside me, but I had to go through this wall of pain before I could be my own teacher. I cried for hours. I could not sleep for a couple of nights. Music, books, and television could not distract me from what I felt. Everything in the world felt so harsh, even harsher than normal for me (an HSP and empath) – the news, the ways people talk to each other, commercials on the radio; all of it was an endless cacophony that only served to remind me of the intensity of separation and everything about humanity that brings up sadness for me.
Once I finished crying, I felt cleansed. I felt strong because I had withstood my anguish and had not needed anyone’s help. I loved my twin even more than ever because that experience with him helped me to see my own strength. He helped me wake up, not just to my spirituality, but to the knowledge that as souls, we are never separated and we have eternity together.
Death is not the end. Our physical bodies die, but our souls keep going through the lessons. I felt grateful that, as souls, we chose each other.
What I Learned
He has since come through to me in a dream, confirming his love for me but at the same time telling me he is not ready to act upon it. I told him in the dream, and I tell him all the time through soul communication, I will always love him. My learning through the experience with him helped me a great deal through challenges in my relationship with my father. It has helped me with the divine masculine in general.
I am able to take a more detached view of this human existence and see everyone as actors in a great play of life. I still become triggered at times, but I have become much better at remaining detached and focusing on my own wounding rather than seeing others as wrong or as doing anything “to” me. When I see someone else as abandoning me, I check in with myself to make sure I am not abandoning myself. When I come home from an emotional day, I go straight to meditation music and self-Reiki.
My go-to used to be a phone call to vent to my sister. While there is nothing wrong with venting, I found when I stopped using it as a way to avoid myself that it really did not help me. Instead, it made me focus even more on problems than solutions, which kept me in a cycle of feeling bad.
For me to go from looking externally to internally for the answers was a major shift. I am the youngest sibling in my family and have always had that tendency as the “baby” to go to other people for advice and help or to think that everyone else knows better than I do. I may not have been able to break free of that pattern without my twin’s unavailability, and the unavailability of those others who have helped me so far on my journey.
The answers are all inside you, waiting at the other side of your pain.
I’ll meet you there.
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