I remember when I used to be a people pleaser, this was once an unconscious behavioral pattern. I once had a bad habit of trying to avoid disappointing others. I spent most of my time trying to make sure that others were pleased by my actions. I started to criticize myself when I did not meet everyone’s expectations.
First I had to accept that this was only going on in my head, everyone was not trying to use me, they were not pressuring me to get it right. Second I had to accept that as long as I am alive I sometimes must disappoint others. These two realizations took a heavy weight off of my back. There are many who are needy, selfish and greedy, and this is not our fault. We do not owe anybody anything and we were not born to spoil or make others happy.
During my meditation, I began to question my behavior. I wanted to know why I used to think that it was important for me to please others, and where it began. Looking back at my past I had memories of my mother being disappointed in me for not meeting up with all of her inspections. Because I could not satisfy her I did not feel loved and approved. My grief as a child followed me all the way through high school and adulthood.
I once spent my entire life seeking my parent’s love and approval from others, especially in my relationships. I suffered abuse and have been taken advantage of, I somehow always felt underappreciated. I always felt like I was not happy or could not make others happy in my relationships. I became aware of my old grief and began working on m heart chakra to release my grievances. I am not saying that you have to use chakras but this was my passageway to healing my heart.
I did not realize that I used to be co-dependent, I always depended on others to like or love me first to validate myself. If I did a job for someone, I was full of anxiety because I hoped that it was done perfectly. I used to over sacrifice and bend over backward for love, but this victim mentality just pushed love further away. I began to realize that having a people-pleasing mentality had me attract manipulators, users, and abusers because those types of people serve no purpose unless people-pleasers exist.
Once I learned to love myself unconditional I was no longer attracted to others who thrive off of manipulation, I would notice them and naturally repel that type of energy. Those types of people were no longer interested in me either because they noticed that I would not feed them my energy, some take our kindness for weakness. We can only do our best by being compassionate with ourselves and others, and give others a chance to express their compassion towards us without overdoing it.
Remember that peace comes in pieces.
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