My Christmas List

Every year, my friends, family and I will exchange lists of what we want as gifts for either birthday or Christmas. My birthday was in November, and as per usual I gave my list. I experienced something interesting this time – a feeling of dissatisfaction.

I mean, I’m sure I always felt this way, but I was conscious of it now. I couldn’t figure out where the feeling was coming from or why. Could it be that I wasn’t asking for the right things? What is it that I feel unsatisfied about?

I left it alone and didn’t think too much about it, until creating my Christmas list. This time I was going to do more research and ensure my list is perfect so that I don’t feel this way anymore! It was during my research of things I wanted that I got the idea to write out the non-tangible things I’m seeking when asking for certain items. Here’s the list:

– Adventure

– Comfort

– Becoming a better version of myself

– Aesthetically pleasing items

– Creativity

– Opportunity to gain or deepen a skill

It dawned on me in that moment that the reason my list never feels like it’s finished or that I’m missing something on it is because what I’m looking for can’t necessarily be given. Ultimately, I’m asking for someone else to give me what I feel like I haven’t been able to find within myself.

Sure, someone can gift me something that will make me feel more comfortable, such as a fuzzy blanket throw or a pair of Chapter’s reading socks, but after receiving those items, I’m still me and I’ll still be seeking a better version of myself. These gift items will not quench the thirst of what my soul is craving.

What the soul truly wants is love, companionship, compassion, connection. One way we can feel those ways is through gift-giving and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. In fact, it is one of the five love languages.

The difference is recognizing where the need is coming from, being aware of your intentions when asking for items, and grounding yourself to the reality of receiving gifts.

No one take over your body and mind and make your life better. That is up to you.

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