Mirroring: Spiritual Truth Or Myth?…

Mirroring: Spiritual Truth Or Myth?

Lately, I see more and more spiritual gaslighting going on across the internet.

Specifically, there is a whole set of beliefs called ‘mirroring’ being promoted, aiming to convince us that if we just fix ourselves by doing our inner work, the outside world will be the one we really want.

Supporters claim that we are here to learn lessons, and that the lessons that come to us are mirrors of everything within that needs to be healed. The idea is that if we heal within, we will stop attracting suffering in life.

I once bought into this message and embraced it, wholeheartedly. I truly believed that something within me was broken, and that if I fixed it, all the bad things would stop happening. Trouble was, no matter how much I healed, they kept coming.

While I do see the partial truth to this idea, how many of us are using this narrative to shame ourselves and develop unhealthy and unrealistic expectations about the world? People and circumstances do trigger our pain, but that doesn’t mean they stop existing just because we heal.

Healing does not mean that, all of sudden, people stop behaving badly or showing up in our world. That difficult experiences stop happening in our lives. Healing means that we learn to stop reacting to them, set loving boundaries, and stop letting circumstances rob us from living it.

The true part of this ideology is that life is an excellent mirror for the things we need to see within us. Yes, we may keep repeating lessons until we learn them. Yes, the world around us does change as we do. But not necessarily because of a magical law of attraction, the world actually changes because our perceptions do.

Unfortunately, we don’t ever have complete control of the world around us, and accepting this fact is absolutely crucial to all healing. It’s critical to understand that no matter how much inner work we do, toxic people, difficult life circumstances, and general hazards will not become obsolete.

This is the kind of magical thinking we develop to survive the trauma of life, often as children. Fortunately, it can keep us alive. Unfortunately, it does so by helping us dissociate further away from it. Instead of bringing us closer to reality, the place where we experience true healing and freedom, we end up chasing rainbows.

When we believe that we have to be fully healed to stop bad things happening, we end up blaming and gaslighting ourselves about reality. We take on responsibility for circumstances that may have absolutely nothing to do with us, at all. We lose focus over what we can control: our reactions to life’s inevitable pain and whether or not we suffer about it.

Because the most important thing to accept about healing is that it’s an ongoing journey. It’s not about having perfect health, wellness, or the distant lives we dream of. In actuality, it’s mostly about accepting who we are now so we can start living the lives we have.

It’s about learning how to face all that life brings us with grace so we don’t get completely derailed, and figuring out how to pick ourselves back up when we inevitably do.

It’s not that self love and respect aren’t great assets to cushion us from avoidable forms of pain and bring healing and peace to our lives. It’s just that they aren’t going to give us a magic wand that lets us control who other people are or how they show up. That takes away all pain and suffering and teleports us to some Utopia.

So if you aren’t perfect yet, and are suffering and being triggered by the world around you, do not blame yourself for the things you have no control over. Life is more than just a mirror of your growth. Growth itself is the means by which you learn to survive and thrive while living it, not a means to some end.


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Janelle Brown

Janelle Brown is a writer, self-Love advocate, and intuitive guide dedicated to helping survivors of abuse uncover their inner wisdom,…

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