5 Powerful Tools To Help You Let Go Of Inner Pain
“To let go of hurt is forgiveness. – Sri Bhagavan”
One of the hardest things for any of us to do is to let go. We struggle to hold on to everything in life, even to what no longer serves us.
So why is it so hard for us to let go? We’ve all experienced how difficult letting go of hurt can really be, haven’t we? I know that’s the case with my own life—I remember how much I suffered when I started trying to let go of the hurts from my past. It was a slow, painful process that demanded a lot of commitment. But my experiences are not unique. Many of us cling not just onto our old hurts, but also onto our fears, grudges and past failures. We often feel ashamed, guilty or too afraid to let go, or put another way; we don’t know how to let go.
I think it’s in our relationships that our inability to let go becomes most apparent. Many of us are holding onto the deep hurts we experienced as children that we still blame our parents for, and it’s these hurts we find nearly impossible to let go of. Over time, these childhood hurts spill out, bleeding into every other relationship—into the relationship with our partners, siblings, and friends. Our inability to let go of the past destroys the present moment, stopping us from fully engaging with life.
Here are 5 powerful tools to help you let go of old hurts and move on.
SEE ALSO: Lakshmi’s 5 Rules Of Success
Experience the Pain
I think it’s fair to say that all of us have painful memories from our past we’re still holding onto. Although we’re aware that holding on is stopping us from moving forward in our lives, we have no idea how to let go. The truth is, in order to be free from our past pain, we must fully experience that pain. When pain is fully accepted and experienced it gets transformed into joy. Therefore staying with and allowing ourselves to feel pain and negative emotions when they arise without pushing them away will enable them to dissipate then peter out.
See Your Part In the Situation
It’s so much easier to see the other’s part in a situation, isn’t it? But nearly impossible to see and accept our own part, yes? This is because very often we feel wronged by the other and it’s this sense that “someone” has done something bad to us that keeps the situation replaying in our minds. We get absorbed in our mind play, feeding our irritation, anger, and disappointment. If we could only see and accept our part in the situation and take responsibility for it, the hurt we feel would quickly dissolve, opening the doors for us to see the situation in a more forgiving light.
Honestly, I think asking for forgiveness is possibly the most challenging thing we can do. Because when we feel hurt, we also feel justified that we are right and the other is wrong. This perception of rightness allows us to sit rigidly in our suffering waiting for the other to apologize. However, seeing and accepting our part in the situation releases some of the built up anger—now is a good time to ask for forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness is not easy and takes a lot of courage, but doing it will melt away any residual resentment we’re still feeling, bringing us and the other closer together.
As well as asking for forgiveness, we must also forgive the other and ourselves. When we forgive, it’s not only the other who benefits, actually, the act of forgiving most benefits us, as it frees us from the ill will created by the situation. Today, the main cause of the problems we face in our relationships is due to our inability to forgive the other. When we truly forgive, transformation happens not just in us, but also in the other. So isn’t it beneficial to practice forgiveness?
The final step is to actually let go. But in order to begin the art of letting go, we must first become aware that we are holding on and that holding on, is harming us. When we clearly see our inability to let go, this very act of seeing IS letting go. Fully letting go, however, happens in stages and we may need to repeat steps one to four several times, as our pain may pop up again and again. Nevertheless, every time we practice letting go of our hurts, its power over us diminishes.
Use these tools not just to help you let go of the hurt, but for other situations, you want to let go of in your life.
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