3 Tips To Conquer Self-Doubt
When we are young, we ideally received a physical touch from our caregivers such as a hug or kiss. The hug or kiss said, psychologically speaking, we were being stroked. Our caregivers were connecting and recognizing us as a member of the clan. We would internalize the touch as a sense of belonging.
As we grow older, in addition to a physical stroke, we would ideally get emotional strokes such as; that’s great, you can do it, you did a wonderful job, I’m so proud of you, or you’re fabulous. We would internalize “the feel-good, feelings” and have our internal voice say to us, Yes, I know that’s great, Yes, I can do it, Yes, I did a wonderful job and I am proud of myself and Yes, I am fabulous!
Our internal voice would eventually become unconscious to our thoughts because we internalized the message. Our unconscious got planted with beliefs that uplift us with positive vibes, so that our thoughts are helpful to us. We now have created an optimistic feeling to make wise choices for ourselves. This process is called mirroring in the psychological realm. But, what if you didn’t receive such helpful seeds?
That would be me: I grew up totally the opposite from what I just described above. I didn’t receive hugs or kisses to get recognized as a member of the clan. Just the opposite I was the scapegoat, I didn’t receive helpful messages to help me, I received hurtful messages such as; I always said, You’re no goddam good, you’re are going to be the death of me, she doesn’t deserve it. My unconscious got planted with seeds that said, I am not ok, but, I better obey my mother, be the good girl, otherwise she is going to die ( be the people pleaser at all costs), and I believed I didn’t deserve what I want.
My unconscious yelled, you don’t believe in yourself, and therefore I attracted people who never supported me. No one cared about me or my goals in life. People dismissed me like I had the virus. However, my ego thought I could override all the above! My ego said, you can do it, however, my unconscious said, no, you can’t, you are no goddam good, and you don’t deserve what others have. That conversation brought me into a low, desperate, traumatic state. For months I was displaced, had to survive on low- wage jobs, and I didn’t have any support from the outside.
What I learned is that there is one force more powerful than our free will: that would be our unconscious beliefs. Is your unconscious hurting or helping you?
Here are 3 tips to overcome doubt and start believing:
Stop the Inflated Ego
1. The conscious mind needs to stop being puffed up. We have to accept the fact, we don’t believe and no one else believes in us. Take a step back and grieve, this takes a tremendous amount of inner strength and tenacity. But, you can do it!
2. A few months back I read an article about the science of success. In the article, the author pointed out what separated successful people was their ability to talk respectfully to their self. They didn’t beat themselves up and were able to brush off a failure as a learning experience. As people with limiting beliefs, we are the masters at beating ourselves up. If a choice you made didn’t turn out the results you imagined, what did you learn from the undesired outcome?
Reprogram Your Unconscious To Help Your Conscious Mind Make Better Choices
3. We can train ourselves to go into a meditative state and repeat some uplifting phases. Then we mirror back to our unconscious; you did a wonderful job and you say, “Yes, I did a wonderful job,” or you are fabulous and you say, “Yes, I am fabulous.”
By doing this work, we start to internalize “the feel-good, feelings” we start to believe in ourselves. We can then build uplifting beliefs, that produce helpful thoughts, and in turn we make wise choices for ourselves, which creates the results we deserve!
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