10 Things To Do When You Feel Abandoned
Feelings of abandonment can happen to anyone. They’re so natural! If you’re struck with them after someone leaves your life, you don’t have to be drowned by the feelings. It’s possible to cope with them. Here are 10 ways to do so:
1. Stop beating yourself up. One thing that’s common when you’re feeling abandoned is turning your attention inward and taking a bat to yourself. You beat yourself up! Try to catch yourself when you do this. Don’t beat yourself up about beating yourself up, either. Just take a breath and redirect your attention to kindness. When you’re feeling abandoned it certainly doesn’t help to be even harder on yourself.
2. Acknowledge your feelings. When feelings of abandonment hit they can feel like all sorts of things. They can show up as anger, feelings of being slighted, and/or sadness. If you can, take a look at what’s going on inside of you. These different feelings might make you feel like it’s someone else’s fault, but your reaction is yours to own. Acknowledging what’s going on for you will help you begin to move through things.
3. Notice how you’re reacting. Are you sending this person loads of texts? Are you binging on alcohol? Are you using any maladaptive coping mechanisms to get by? Pay attention to these. They can certainly hinder your healing. I know it’s super tempting to do these things that are comfortable and provide temporary relief, but in the long term, they’ll only hurt you.
4. Take care of all of your needs. Make sure you’re showering, eating, and sleeping enough. Taking care of your physical body will help your mental state feel more centered. Try not to leave anything out! Missing a little bit of any of those things can royally mess up your state of being. This may seem like an obvious suggestion, but you’d be surprised at how easy it is to neglect basic needs when upset.
5. Amp up your self-love talk. If there’s any time to be super duper kind to yourself it’s when you’re feeling abandoned. You need to be sure you don’t abandon yourself. Instead, it’s mantra time! Say things like: “You are good, you are lovable, you are worthy” and “You’re okay.” Talk to yourself as if you were a child in need of love. This will help you feel like you aren’t so lonely. At the very least it might combat the voices that are telling you that you aren’t enough. Screw those voices.
6. Ask yourself if it would be good to sit in the loneliness. This may sound like a counterintuitive thought, but hear me out. Feelings often demand to be felt. Running away from them can sometimes make them more intense. So, one way to deal with them is to face them head-on. Do this by getting quiet. You can do a formal meditation or you can just take a few breaths. Make loneliness your friend, even if only briefly.
7. Surround yourself with friends. While it’s sometimes good to hang out with the loneliness, more often than not it’s better to be around people. If you’re looking for love from that one person, try to accept love from all of your friends! Make a bunch of plans and let them help to heal you. Friends are a great antidote to feeling abandoned. Plus, most of them have been where you are, so they understand what you’re going through.
8. Be careful where your social media attention is. If you’re feeling abandoned it’s likely because someone left. It’s not at all useful to stalk this person’s social media accounts. I know how tempting it is, but it’ll only hurt you further and get in the way of healing. If you can, delete them, block them, and stay the heck away. In general, don’t creep on social media pages that make you feel bad. So, that means don’t run back to look at another ex’s page either.
9. Consider working with a therapist if you aren’t already. Feelings of abandonment are often deeply rooted in childhood events. One of the only ways to tackle this beast once and for all is with a professional.
10. Seek out people who have felt the same way. If you’re feeling vulnerable enough, you could make a post on Instagram asking if any of your friends have felt this way before. Or, if you know certain friends who have you can reach out to them. Just know that you’re not the only one in the world experiencing this feeling.
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