5 Self-Sabotaging Habits We Adopt Due To Lack Of Self-Love
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
We all know what a lack of Self-love can do to us. It is self-sabotaging. However, I often ponder as to why it is easy to love and appreciate others more than ourselves? As I meditate upon this topic, I find that we are surrounded by love. Love is everywhere. It is present in our environment, just like air. Love, Joy, Anger, Hatred, Annoyance, Greed, Jealousy, Happiness, and Peace. All of these emotions already exist within us. However, we are drawn towards a negative state of emotion more naturally than positive ones.
One reason to pick up a negative emotion faster is it seems to be real. Positive looks superficial, out of touch, and involves a lot of inner work and soul searching. Moreso, when it applies to us, we are aware of our history, background, childhood traumas, and failures. We always have a well-formulated recipe to validate our actions by the opinion of others, which can be disastrous.
The state of self-pity is easier to believe in and is weirdly comforting. And that is why it’s hard to convince ourselves to feel more lovable, happy, abundant, and successful. These negative emotions become our excuses, leading to further setbacks.
So, what is self-love and why is it important? According to Wikipedia, Self-love defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s happiness or advantage” has both been conceptualized as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw akin to vanity and selfishness synonymous with amour propre, conceit, conceitedness, egotism, et al.
Before we delve into the topic, let us first clear the air around some misconceptions about self-love.
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Facts about self-love :
- Self-love is something we choose and does not come naturally to us.
- Self-love is not Self-Obsession or Narcissism.
- Self-love is nurturing and mostly found in Empaths.
- Self-love means feeling Abundant.
- Self-Love is a broader term than Self-Care.
- Self-Confidence, Self-Worth, or Self-Esteem are integral parts of Self-love.
How the lack of self-love can lead to some specific self-sabotaging behaviors:
1) Procrastination: Finding excuses, & the fear of failure hold us back from achieving what we truly desire. Blame games are often the result of lack of self-love, not taking that first step towards love or commitment, sabotaging relationships due to our beliefs, lack of self-confidence, past experiences, or childhood trauma.
2) Unhealthy Lifestyle: Drinking, gambling, turning to toxic behavioral patterns, not caring enough for your body, mind, and soul. Substance abuse or workaholism. Deriving any order of pleasure from self-inflicted pain or misery is all due to a lack of Self-Love.
3) Toxic Relationships: Self-love is the holistic development of our conscious and subconscious behavior. It is the realization of the fact that we are lovable and desirable regardless of how we are perceived by the world. People who do not love themselves often get trapped in toxic or unfulfilling relationships.
4) Depression: Yes, I know some of you are giving me that look. How can I blame you for a situation you might be dealing with and have no control over it, perhaps which may pull you down to the floor, begging and pleading for love, acceptance, understanding, and some mercy by others. And here is my question for you? Why do you even need it? why do we seek validations of our behavior and actions from society? Self-love defies all these beliefs and thought patterns and puts you and your interest at the forefront.
5) Bottomless Pit Of Comparison: Another common practice we follow due to lack of self-love is by consistently comparing ourselves and our lives with others. We seem to be never enough compared to what others have. We fail to acknowledge our accomplishments the moment we see others getting ahead of us in life.
Self-love is a dynamic term. It means self-acceptance and self-respect. A great way to induce Self-love is by practicing gratitude, positive self-talk, and positive affirmations. Self-love generates optimism, regardless of any unpleasant circumstances. We must remember, that we cannot extend love to others until we have that for ourselves. Self-love is a right start towards building better mental health. Above all else, It aims at accepting our reality and loving ourselves unconditionally.
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