Do Relationships Have An Expiration Date?
Are endings bad? Or are they signposts that we put in our own life path? They say there are no inappropriate deaths, but those are endings too. Or are they?
In the paradox of life, does the beginning become the end and end become beginning? Is this the wisdom we are missing today? Do relationships have an expiration date?
It is almost as if we are living multiple lifetimes in one body. Have we begun to realize that no matter how hard we may wish, try and work to hang on and make our relationships or marriages better—on some level—sometimes, it’s not meant to be. Our “karma” is complete. We know we are finished and our inner guidance tells us so. Is the new sign pointing to, “Stop”, “That way” or “Next”?
Culture Behind Relationships
Memes are strong; they create a push and pull inside us all. Was marriage really supposed to be “until death do you part” as most of us were taught and believe? We all know couples who fight constantly and can hardly stand to be in the same room with each other. Other couples merely exist in parallel lives pretending everything is okay.
Is this love? Is this what a healthy relationship looks like? I think not. Life is too short to hang on just because. Are these endings what should have been? Are these where we choose to be? If we could just use our quantum telescope to “see” that we are all part of something much large, broader and more expansive than what we have ever considered, would we resist the change? Can we simply erase and unlearn those embedded memes that society and the collective consciousness holds us to with such veracity? Are we willing to rewrite the “rules”?
I know I certainly felt my cousin’s pain; and Julie and Bea’s too. I believed this meme to be true—until I experienced my own divorce. Now, I am not so sure. Two people in a relationship do not grow in equal proportion. We are each in a unique soulful journey with ourselves and growing sometimes means that the cycle is complete with another. Just as the seasons of the Earth change, so do we.
Is it the door marked ‘unknown’ that we fear?
We all live with changes every day, in fact. So, what really scares us about change? If you think about it, we renew ourselves every morning and begin anew. Yet, deep down, does change remind of us of negative things or are there hidden triggers buried in our subconscious that make us afraid?
Even when we know it’s over, why do we hang on wishing for something different, more or better with our current situation—which evidence and experience tell us—will never be what we imagine; no matter how many marriage counselors we’ve seen. Or is it simply a lack of confidence, or self-love? Guilt? Pride? We must remind ourselves that we are only seeing part of the soulful picture. If we double the frame of our vision, our way becomes clear. And, if we are able to move into the path of our soul, we will discover joy no matter what weather forecast is for today.
I know that when we stay in our comfort zone, growth and expansion elude us. It is only when we are open to stepping on fresh soil do we stretch our boundaries into limitless potential and see beyond the horizon. And when we are open to being in the question called “unknown”, we are open to endless possibilities and potential we never imagined before! As Julie Andrews sang in the Sound of Music, when one door closes, another one opens.
Mindfulness Helps Accept Change
What if we had the mindfulness to reframe these changes? What if these endings and new beginnings enriched our self-confidence, self-esteem and self-trust, allowing us to grow like a seedling planted in the fresh rich soil? What if we realize that we have simply “outgrown” the present and to stay might actually be harmful to our well-being or at best non-productive? What if this is the Universe urging us to move forward?
I know this was true for myself a dozen years ago. I was holding to the promise in marriage: for better or for worse. Until one day, I was surprised by a phone call from my husband, saying he has filed for divorce, pushed by his young girlfriend who was there to “fix his life”. I guess it was a cue to fix mine too! Our mind and intellect don’t understand the Universe’s way of change and we hold on for dear life. We often have to be “reborn into something new”. If we could interview a newborn, I’m sure every newborn would agree that they dreaded their entry into and down the birth canal even if new life awaits on the other side.
When we are able to release and follow our inner-knowing, intuition or gut of what’s best—a new better life awaits us too. We just have to walk through the darkness first to get to the light and to our new life which has been waiting all along. Things crumble in the way things will and do. Our outmoded ways must be reworked, and we must take the old bricks and rebuild them into something new; just like the artist with a block of clay. Maybe that’s the multidimensional puzzle we are participants in; the clues and directions written in invisible ink for us to figure out while here.
This is the planet of free choice after all. And yet, because we are part of forever and eternal, we can never get it wrong. Give your intention and let the Universe figure out the how! Have the willingness and fortitude to walk through that door.
I survived the end of my 30+ year relationship-marriage and continue to thrive today. I know you can handle whatever endings are happening in your life too. In fact, maybe that’s even a test of our humanity, one life lesson? I know that anxiety normally accompanies huge change and uncertainty, but in all things, something must die for something to be born.
You can’t lead others through the fire if you’ve never walked through the fire yourself.
Here are seven suggestions that I found helpful in my “remodel”. If you follow them, I believe they will be helpful during your ending, and the new beginnings of your season, cycle or change. I know you can’t lead others through the fire if you’ve never walked through the fire yourself. I have walked through the fire.
- Set your intention, and know that this change is in the best interest or for the highest good for all parties involved. Incorporate a daily mantra or meditation. Say it out loud and let your cells hear it. Begin with the words, “I am”. Everything begins with pure intent.
- Take each day one step at a time. Don’t give yourself a bunch of “have-to’s”. Learn to say NO, if you must. You don’t need an extra overload of other people’s stuff. It can wait. Tell the truth. Make choices from a place of love and compassion instead of guilt and obligation. Say, Yes to you!
- Pick a new exercise, something that you enjoy. This reduces stress, and healthy stress reduction is vital for your ultimate well-being. Try yoga, Tai Chi, Zumba, a spin class or a 30-minute elliptical ride. Try walking outdoors, biking or a daily swim. Just get out and do something!
- Practice self-care. Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure or massage. What about a facial? Or a new book? Something that allows you to just turn off your brain for a few minutes and relax. Ask, what do I need or want right now? What am I feeling? Invite your god inside, and ask, “Please tell me what I need to know.”
- Find your own rhythm and routine. I was unlearning who I had been for decades and finding out who I was becoming. Give yourself time. I always found Mother Nature soothing. I used to tell my friends that when I sat at the beach for a half an hour, nothing and everything changed. Find your happy place outdoors.
- Eat as healthy as you can. Do your best to stay away from alcohol, sugar and fast food. Enjoy nutritious whole foods. Comfort foods are called as such for a reason—a small portion will usually satisfy the desire. Sometimes you don’t feel like eating, and that’s okay too.
- Go talk to someone if you need help. Being vulnerable is a strength not a weakness. So is crying. Writing can help you get out unreleased unconscious feelings. Try journaling and see where it takes you. We all need help along the way at times empowering ourselves—stepping into our new selves—which will feel unfamiliar and strange. Whether you believe it or not those unseen invisible forces are ready to assist. So ask your angels and guides for help; they will not interfere without your request. Find a professional who is compassionate and caring and will help you find your new groove.
The earth is filled with enormous mystery—and things do not appear by accident. Anais Nin wrote, “We don’t see things as they are. We see things as We are.”
Isn’t it time to shine your light?
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