The 4 Pillars Of Self-Love
The holidays are intended to be a time of gratitude and love amongst family and chosen family. These attributes can only be recognized when we’ve given the time needed to mending what we hold in the path of having that gratitude and love. Illuminating our suffering, pain, trauma and loss by attending to ourselves, our feelings and our stressors allows us to have those opportunities. If you avoid that attention, you’ll find yourself triggered, stopped in accessing joy and peace and lost in scrambling for that solace in yourself.
When it comes to your personal growth and transformation, December can be utilized as a month of completion. Calling in Kali, the goddess of destruction, to end patterns that don’t serve you and Athena, goddess of love to heal and strengthen your aptitude for growth and change helps during this process. There are four pillars of self-love that need some heavy attention. Each of the four pillars supports your personal growth by giving yourself the nurturing and nourishment you need to steady and ground into your truth and true nature.
Get out a pen and a fresh notebook to answer the questions in each of the four pillars below.
Self-knowledge is the direct connection you have to your feelings, thoughts and the actions they produce. Asking yourself these questions will support your assessment of where you are in self-knowledge and where you can stand to grow.
- Who Am I?
- What do I value?
- What do I need?
- What are my strengths?
- What are my vulnerabilities?
- What do I believe?
Self-respect is the direct connection to your valuation of yourself, how strong your understanding of your needs and personal values and the boundaries that are necessary to uphold that value. Asking yourself these questions will support your assessment of where you are in self-respect and where you can stand to grow.
- Do I seek external opinions, input and positive feedback from others to establish my own confidence?
- Do I feel confident in who I am?
- Am I unhappy with who I am?
- Do I often feel compelled to prove my worth to others?
- Do I put others down or dominate to feel better about myself?
- Do I gossip?
- Do I have standards for myself to determine my value?
- Are the standards I have for myself appearance or achievement-based?
- Do I fixate on my appearance and how I present myself?
- Is there something about myself that I continuously judge and/or try to fix?
Self-trust is the direct connection to your understanding of who and where you want to be, what you want to do and what you’ve deemed your purpose. With ample self-trust, second-guessing yourself, simply, does not come into play. Asking yourself these questions will support your assessment of where you are in self-trust and where you can stand to grow.
- Is making decisions a difficult process for me?
- Do I wait for others to make a move or share their opinion before doing so myself?
- Do I believe there is something wrong, missing or broken about me?
- If the common belief is “it cannot be done”, do I agree and stop myself?
- Do I fear obstacles of any kind?
- Do I believe I cannot do, be or have something because others told me that I cannot?
- Do I avoid challenging the status quo?
- Do I make excuses?
- Do I believe I am not good enough or capable of having what I value and dream of having?
- Do I worry that others may find out that I am not good enough, do not have enough experience or have problems or negative qualities?
- Do I shape-shift to get what I want?
Self-care is your direct connection to how you attend to your own needs, questions, emotions and values. It deepens your strength to grow and gives you the fuel to do what needs to be done. Asking yourself these questions will support your assessment of where you are in self-care and where you can stand to grow.
- Do I regularly put my work ahead of sleep, eating or family/friends?
- Do I miss meals?
- Do I believe others’ needs, my career or my commitments are more important than I am?
- Am I over or under-weight?
- Do I have a regular exercise routine, at least 3 times each week?
- Do I make time for play?
- Do I consistently put others’ needs ahead of my own?
- Are my pleasures only related to my successes or what I do for others?
- Do I have coping mechanisms that are not nurturing or nourishing?
- Do I use substances, spend money or engage in unhealthy relationships and behaviors to numb and distract myself?
- Do I believe in seeking professional support from counselors or coaches if I have personal issues?
- Do I believe in any kind of Higher Power?
Over the next month, attend to yourself and the four pillars of self-love as often as possible, creating a daily time to attend to each aspect. And keep your promises with yourself so you can grow in your relationships, your work and all of the other things you see as possible and/or desired areas to transform in January and beyond. Getting this solid foundation as you bring the year to a close sets you up for a truly new, empowered beginning to the new year.
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