Why The Word “NO” Is Life Changing…

Why The Word “NO” Is Life Changing

Many of us have been infected with the Disease to Please. It began in childhood. When we did the “right” thing, and we were rewarded with a smile, praise, or maybe even a treat. When we did the “wrong” thing, we were penalized with a frown, reprimand, or maybe even a spanking. We learned quickly that our lives seemed to work better if we made those around us happy, through our words, deeds, or behaviors. We learned that others’ moods – good and bad – were because of us. We learned we were responsible for the others’ feelings.

All these years later, we still carry that false burden. We still believe it is our “job” to make sure those around us are happy, especially our families – our spouses, children, parents, siblings, etc. We often ignore our own needs and neglect our own feelings, because we learned that our needs and feelings were not as important as those around us. When we cater to those around us in this way, we get locked into this role, repeating this behavior, with no easy way out. Others get accustomed to being number one, and we find it increasingly difficult to break the pattern.

“No,” isn’t hard to say. It’s a quick and easy word. It rolls easily off the tongue of every 2-year old, yet we find it difficult to say because we have learned to attach guilt to “no.” The association of guilt with “no” is what makes us feel we cannot say it to others; especially to those we love and care about. We must learn to say “no” without feeling guilty.

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We are entitled to make our own decisions

The choices we make are our choices to make. When someone asks us to do something, the request presents us with a choice – “yes” or “no.” Often, obligation makes us feel we have to say “yes,” and guilt lingers with “no,” but we do not need to feel obligated to do something just because we are asked to do it, or feel guilty about saying “no.” We have a choice, every time.

Sometimes we may feel we have no choice, but really, we do. We have learned that others may try to get us to feel guilty for saying “no.” It is important to remember that this attempt to “guilt” us into a “yes” is just a form of manipulation; a mind game that the ego likes to play. We do not owe anyone any kind of explanation. A “no” doesn’t need to be justified. It needs no explanation. “No” is a complete answer. An honest and truthful “no” is enough. Saying “no” when we mean “no” is not selfish.  It is important to say “no” when we mean “no” in order to honor ourselves and to have balance in our lives.

Saying “no” creates a space for ‘New Opportunities’ to enter into our lives

There are new opportunities for all the blessings and miracles that we are entitled to! “No” is a positive statement that allows us to have a New Opportunity to follow our hearts, be true to ourselves, and feel happy. Saying “no” gives us an opportunity to be honest with ourselves, to show love to ourselves, to respect ourselves, and to be in integrity with ourselves.

Being honest with ourselves and coming from a place of self-awareness and authenticity will also communicate to others that we are strong, present, and listen to our hearts. When we say “no” and honor our feelings, we will find that other opportunities will begin to present for us, because we will be in alignment with Source. As we say “no” to things that we don’t really want to do, we begin to raise our vibrations as we clear out the vibrations of obligation and resentment. As we honor our feelings and come into alignment with our truth, New Opportunities that resonate with our new, higher vibration will begin to present.

Making the transition from People-Pleaser to Authentic Ally can be difficult

We have had years of people-pleasing experience, and old habits die-hard. Baby steps, one moment at a time, is the way to make this change. Observing our actions without judgment and internally committing, again and again, to do it differently next time is more productive than berating ourselves for doing what we’ve always done.

When asked to do something, if the first feeling is uncertainty, it is helpful to respond with something like, “I need to sit with this for a while, and I will get back to you.” Instead of agreeing to do something and then regretting that we agreed, this response allows us the chance to check within and formulate and deliver an authentic response. Taking a moment to sit with what presents is a good tool to use to prevent knee-jerk reactions. Often we react too fast and agree to something without truly wanting to agree, simply because we want to please others.

Practice checking in with yourself. When someone asks you to do something, take a moment to notice what feelings you experience? Do you feel joy? Frustration? Love? Guilt? Listen to your feelings and say “no” when you feel any unpleasant feeling about the request. It doesn’t have to make sense to you or anyone else, and no one has to understand or agree with your decision. Just trust yourself and your feelings.


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Natalia Love


Rev. Natalie is a Metaphysical Teacher, Reiki Master, Empowerment and Inspirational Leader, Goddess Circle facilitator and author. She has been…

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