How To Create Healthy Boundaries & Clear Your Energetic Space
We all want healthy relationships, where we can feel a connection with another person, while fully being ourselves.
However, we have all had the experience of someone else’s energy invading our personal space. Perhaps we have the controlling mother who won’t stop exerting her opinion onto us, or the child who just won’t stop throwing a tantrum, or the irritating pestering friend or family member. Such is life! In such situations, our body’s instant reaction may be to energetically push this person away and create a wall around us to keep their energy separate from ours. This “wall” is known especially in the world of psychology and self-help as a boundary.
We naturally create boundaries whether we are aware of them or not. One way to consciously create a “healthy” boundary is for both parties to communicate their wants, and needs, and workable solutions for relating with one another. Ideally, both sides would actively and compassionately listen to one another and come to mutual agreements. However, this is often easier said than done, and there are ways to do this without involving the other person at all (as will be explained in the exercise on the next page).
If you’re someone who frequently has someone else’s energy in your space…i.e. that co-worker, or a family member, or someone you’re having a personal issue with then it may be helpful to learn a few techniques to clear someone out of your space.
I know it may seem counterintuitive, yet I believe boundaries are only truly effective when we are free of excessive emotional charge and muscular tension when creating them. When our hearts can soften, listen, and feel.
This is the space of freedom.
This doesn’t in any way mean we need to forgive the other person or be okay with who they are or what they are doing. Rather, my suggestion is intended to help you to personally suffer less.
The boundary creation process
This must be performed as a visualization exercise.
Step 1: Choose someone (or a group of people) with whom you would like to create a conscious and healthy boundary. Close your eyes.
Step 2: Imagine the boundary as a protective bubble or sheath extending approximately 12-to-14 inches from your body in all directions. You can envision it as if it was the membrane of an embryonic sac that bathes and cushions you and provides you with a protective layer of safety. Imagine them outside of this space.
Step 3: Make an agreement with this person (or group of people) as to how you wish to relate from this point forward. See if you can do this free of tension and/or charge. Soften in your chest, connect with your heart, and ground your energy (i.e., feel your feet on the earth) when doing this.
Connect to your truth in this situation as it applies to this person. What are the words you wish to speak to them regarding your dynamic? Speak these words either in your head or out loud and notice if you have any tension or contraction in your body as you do so.
If you do, recenter yourself, take a breath, and see if you can release all the tension and tightness from your body as you repeat these words once again. Let the words come from your heart.
Step 4: Imagine him/her/them outside of the bubble. Use your imagination to envision this agreement in action. Their negative comments and criticism (and the like) may hit up against the walls of the sac, yet they are unable to penetrate inside and reach you. You are safe.
Step 5: Give them permission to be who they are. Free yourself from any need or obligation to take in their energy or to change them. Allow them to be who they are. Let their energy go.
Step 6: Optionally, you can apply this process to a memory of a time in the past when the emotional charge was felt with this person. (For when we heal the past, we also heal the present).
Do you notice any differences in the dynamic between you and this person? What feels different from within-side yourself? Are you able to remain calmer and less emotionally charged? Next, postulate a possible time in the future. Remember, you CAN create and retain healthy boundaries no matter how much emotional charge you have with another. Our goal here is not to try to change another person or the behaviors they exhibit. Rather, is to alter our own personal experience and our dynamic in the overall “game.” You’re probably now wondering if this process also has an effect upon how they will relate with you going forth even though they were never present for this exercise. Try it out for yourself and notice if when you make these energetic shifts from within, there is a subtle shift in them as well (as well as the world around you).
Going forth, it may be a good idea to reevaluate from time to time if the boundaries and agreements need to be adjusted and/or dissolved and if you are ready to invite the other person in closer.
For more about Shara Ogin or to book an intuitive reading please see: sharaogin.com
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