7 Habits Of Empire-Building Women
When you are uncompromisingly committed to your vision you become capable of time-travel. Let me explain: to be a legacy-player and empire-builder, you must know with utter conviction that you will achieve your vision. It’s as if you’ve already done it — scaled the company, made the millions, spoken before the masses, and more. There’s no question of if, but an open curiosity about when.
How to become your next-level self
How do you know with such utter conviction that it’s done? Because when you are deeply connected with your next-level self in your mind, body and soul, you can travel to that future with your mind. And that next level self? SHE has already done it. You are so deeply connected with HER — your next level self, the woman who has realized your vision — that there’s no doubt whatsoever you will accomplish everything you imagine and more.
But before you can realize that certain future, you GET to change. If you are here for the empire, the long game and the legacy (me too, sister!) you must consciously change internally and externally to embody that woman. It’s simple to understand and takes hard, consistent work to do. I’ve been doing this change and embodiment work (what I call Mind Magic™) for a looong time. Building an empire turns out to be the perfect playground for continuing to practice this work. My mind-body still tries to keep me the same because that’s it’s job. I’m becoming very practiced at nipping my mind-body and fear response in the bud. What got us here won’t get us there. You have to become DIFFERENT for every next level of growth, insight and impact. The next level of your unstoppable success requires the next level of YOU. Full stop. As I scale my company, train coaches in my methodology and prepare to impact millions, I’m realizing I have to let go of old habits that are not serving me. SHE has different habits than I do right now.
Seven habits of empire-building women
To let HER lead — the next level version of myself who has achieved all I envision — I spend more time with her than ever before. We talk frequently throughout the day. My trust in HER — me, essentially — grows exponentially. My vision is so huge, so rich and exhilarating that I can’t afford to wonder, “is this really going to work?” Instead, I trust HER that it’s already done. And this is what that looks (and FEELS) like:
1. SHE takes care of herself First
Taking care of myself is paramount to my energy levels and how I show up to my work. It’s also a huge upper limit for me. For many years I sabotaged myself right as I edged towards my next big level of growth. As I expanded and experienced the results of that expansion, discomfort kicked in. I would soothe the discomfort by coddling myself, ignoring the Peloton and mindlessly eating peanut M&Ms. Why? Because if I could let myself be consumed by thoughts like “ugh, why didn’t I get on the bike?” or “I feel bloated,” it distracted me from sitting in the discomfort of my new level of growth. It let me focus on how yuck I felt, instead of my vision. It distracted me from creating safety for my mind-body in this new reality of the empire. SHE puts her physical wellness first because it’s part of the power source. When I feel strong, fit, and nourished, I am not just fueling my body and mind — I’m literally fueling my vision. THAT is the mental shift I’m making.
Ultimately, not taking care of myself was a self-protection AND sabotage to my highest levels of success. My mind-body wonders, is it really safe to “have it all”? SHE knows the answer is yes — and you can know it, too.
2. SHE is truly (and uncomfortably) honest with herself
The honesty I have to have with myself is rock solid — and unexpected. The more connected I am to the vision and the woman I’m becoming, the more sensitive I am to anything that is out of alignment. I started noticing an edgy feeling, like my joy was dulled. I realized I had to be honest about resentments in my personal life and how they influence my energy and self. We’re not compartmentalized beings. If you think there’s a world in which you’re an entrepreneurial leader and your challenges with your mother/partner/sister/friend live in another silo, you’re wrong. You are the generator, and everything around you influences your energy. Anything out of alignment will put a damper on you and lower your vibration (even if it’s subtle).
If I’m carrying resentment towards my family, that affects who I’m BEING when I sit down at my desk. It’s impacting the energy I’m emitting, and that energy is generating my results. I can get on Facebook Live with a big smile, but I’m blocking my own impact, growth and success if I’m not being truly honest with myself about what’s affecting me, and doing the work to heal it and let it go.
3. SHE embraces being wrong (your ego hates this)
Along with honesty has come getting better at being wrong. I notice so many instances when my ego tries to push itself into a situation and prove itself (myself) right. Recently I was talking with someone on my media team. They were telling me about a new strategy, and my ego so didn’t want to be wrong and unknowledgeable. I could feel it in my body like a clawing feeling in my throat to say something and prove a point. There was a part of me being stubborn about trying the new strategy because I didn’t want to be wrong about the old strategy. It was my ego protecting itself. If I had listened to my ego I would have ignored the new strategy and all the benefits it brought my company.
What I’m teaching myself is to relish being wrong. To be excited when I’m wrong! (Not only at work, by the way. This is BIG with my teenagers and in my marriage!) Because if I’m wrong, then I’m learning something. And when I learn something I change — which is what I must do to become HER. My new paradigm is this: being wrong is a phenomenal way to grow and evolve my mind.
4. SHE Trusts HER decisions (this one is intense)
As an empire-builder you are going to make many decisions and have many critical, beautiful, uncomfortable conversations about those decisions. As you make those decisions, any old habits of approval-seeking or people-pleasing and taking care of others’ feelings have to go. It doesn’t mean you stop caring about others. It does mean you deeply trust the decisions SHE makes, and you don’t make others’ reactions your responsibility. I’ve always been a direct communicator, but there are still some spaces and places where I half-say what I mean out of self-doubt or fear of disappointing people I care about, or not being liked. Recently I was working with a vendor, someone whom I really liked. We produced decent results together, but something wasn’t quite right. As much as I appreciated them, I know SHE doesn’t settle.
So I gave my notice, and they said, “let’s get on a call to discuss! If you’re unhappy with ABC, we’ll change XYZ.” The old me would have agreed to talk further, giving false hope to the other party. Instead, I took a deep breath and connected with HER. SHE reminded me, “you made your decision. There’s nothing to resolve.” Oh boy, did I feel that in my body! I had to deeply trust what I knew was true: they weren’t the right fit. I had to risk hurting or offending them, which is the last thing I want — but also not my responsibility. So I breathed deeply, put a hand on my heart, and said, “thank you so much, but my decision is firm.”
You are going to hire and fire employees, vendors, partners, coaches, and more. It’s critical that you trust HER decisions when it’s time to part ways for the sake of your vision.
5. SHE delegates and releases control (old habits die HARD)
For years I had this habit: “forget it, I’ll just do it.” Sound familiar? It’s called picking up the slack, and it sucks. Instead of assigning the task that my team was perfectly capable of handling, I’d tell myself it was simpler/faster/easier to do it myself. It meant I was constantly misspending my energy, underusing my team, and holding back my growth. Now I’m learning to recognize this habit, interrupt it, and put the damn task in Asana! I know: it sounds small, but getting myself to slow down enough to put a task in Asana used to feel like an act of god. No one built an empire without trusting her team. And in trusting my team, I have the opportunity to release control. I can let my team make mistakes and let them find the solutions. An interesting side effect of delegating effectively and letting go of control is that…
6. SHE slows down and plans (scarcity is poison)
“Every minute you spend in planning saves 10 minutes in execution; this gives you a 1,000 percent return on energy!” ― Brian Tracy, author and motivational speaker
For years and up until recently I was very last-minute in certain decisions. Here’s how it would go: I’d suddenly decide to do a popup masterclass, and I’d need assets to promote it right away. This added unnecessary stress and urgency to my life (talk about an energy vampire!) and my team. Delegating and releasing control introduced me (forced me?) to a powerful new way of being: slowed down. Nothing is actually an emergency unless someone’s on a hospital table. Yet we run around like chickens with our heads cut off, acting like everything we’re doing is urgent. What’s so urgent in your online business that you “can’t” eat, rest, plan, play, be grateful, or think deeply?
Now I plan farther in advance than I ever have before, which requires me to slow down. Does that mean I ignore spontaneous opportunities? Not if they feel aligned. But it does mean that I make those decisions deliberately, and I carefully consider what will be put off or changed in the plan to accommodate new commitments. This is the bottom line: rushing comes from scarcity. For most of us, the mindset of scarcity is so deeply ingrained we’re barely aware of it. But scarcity is a foreign concept to HER. She knows that everything happens on time, that there is enough for all of us, and that the more conscious and intentional you are, the more joyous and abundant your results.
7. SHE is time
My grandmother Miriam had a big influence on me growing up. One of her go-to phrases was, “shake a leg!” She meant, move faster, go go go, and so I did. I’ve always been a get-shit-done person, and for years I tormented myself with thoughts like this: “Do more.” Or, “I don’t have enough time.” Sound familiar? What happens in your body when you think those thoughts? I know what happens to me: I feel constant, tight, like my mind is hyperventilating.
These thoughts are a clear indication that you’re operating from a mindset of scarcity and lack. Scarcity and lack are foreign concepts for HER. They block HER energetic frequency. SHE is a generator. She operates from spaciousness. Abundance. Always enough. She IS time. Your thoughts are a self-fulfilling prophecy. Believe there’s not enough time and you will damn well not have enough time. Believe that everything happens ON time, that the universe is always conspiring FOR you, and you will always have plenty of time.
It takes commitment to recognize that you are time. We live in a fast-paced world where “time is money” and we’re taught that every is urgent and we have to hurry or else! But SHE knows beyond a shadow of doubt that this is your birthright: you are worthy, you are lovable, and you are abundant. There’s no such thing as “not enough time.” SHE — you! — are time.
The path to your empire
These seven principles are changing my life, changing me, on my path to Becoming HER.
As for the how… the answer is Mind Magic™. The answer is every day to put a hand on my heart, breathe deeply, create safety, think on purpose, listen to my body, love my fear, and ask myself what SHE would do. Over and over and over again. Do I get impatient sometimes? Do I get tired of doing it? Do I ever feel “over it”? Yup. And that too is the work. Because the truth of how we get where we want to go is not sexy, glamorous, or Instagrammable. Are you ready for this? It’s PRACTICE.
It’s returning to myself, again and again with patience, consistency, certainty. Giving myself an outrageous amount of grace and self compassion to the nth degree. This is how we get ourselves to where we want to go.
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