5 Habits Of Conscious Couples
Every Sunday morning, I go for a run with my partner, Tim. He tends to run farther than me, but we set a distance goal, and then he puts in the right headphone and I put in the left. Sometimes, we talk while running, or he sings along to the music, and other times, we quietly watch the chipmunks scurry along and gaze up at the sun. Without fail, at least one of us comments on how much we love running together, and I always smile, because I know that without him, I might be on the couch, eating waffles and reading books on auras and energetic fields.
There are things that bring couples closer together. Often, they are habits that can foster each partner’s personal growth, but sometimes, they’re even more basic, such as setting up a babysitter to make it possible to go on a lunch date for two hours or talking through problems or issues that arose that week. It can feel like there’s so much to do and in such little time, but the truth is, when you don’t make your relationships a priority, you may wake up one day to find that you’ve grown distant from your partner, and you’re not quite sure how it happened or how to fix it.
That being said, here are the top five habits of conscious couples:
SEE ALSO: How To Be Grateful When Life Sucks
1) Conscious couples communicate, especially when negative emotions surface.
It almost feels counterintuitive to say that talking about problems will deepen the connection you have with your partner, but it’s true. While most people aren’t used to feeling their emotions (it’s so much easier to medicate, or eat as a way of going numb) the truth is, if you don’t share when you’re feeling hurt, jealous, or angry with your partner, you’re likely to form a grudge, hold on to resentments, and act passive-aggressively, or withdraw.
When you’re unwilling to share your feelings, you repress them, and they do surface, but not in a loving, communicative manner; they surface as those ten pounds you just can’t lose, or as a decrease in your desire to experience intimacy with your partner. They surface as snarky remarks at the dinner table or flirting with your colleague at work. All of the things left unsaid drive a wedge between you and your partner. Whereas, if you share your feelings (in a calm, solution-oriented manner), you’ll find that even though the conversation itself might’ve been hard, you’re left feeling cleansed and lighter. You’re no longer burdened by the weight of grievances.
2) Conscious couples support each other’s dreams and personal growth.
While your relationship is continuously growing and evolving, so too are you and your partner. The healthiest relationships are ones where each partner makes it a priority to set goals, start passion projects, and continuously learn new things. This keeps conversation exciting, and it gives your partner a chance to support you. It’s all too easy for a relationship to become lopsided, with one partner chasing his or her dreams, while the other sits on sidelines, or, even worse, one partner not behaving in a supportive manner, while the other struggles with fear and doubt. Conscious couples light a fire under each other’s feet; they’re more creative and productive together than they would be if they were single.
3) Conscious couples have a mindfulness practice, and each partner is responsible for his or her own happiness.
There are times when I feel absolutely awful, either because of hormones, exhaustion, or stress. I want to stay in bed, watch a Hallmark movie and eat cookies. I know that at times like these, it is my responsibility to bring myself into alignment, either by meditating, going out in nature, or doing some breathing exercises. I recognize that for the sake of my relationship, I’m in charge of my own happiness, and the same goes for my partner. This doesn’t mean that he won’t cheer me up, give me a hug, or make me laugh it I’m feeling down, but rather, that we’re responsible for our own emotional state. We don’t project our sadness onto each other, and we know that if we’re feeling funky, we have to tend to our own alignment. A conscious, happy couple is made up of two people who are happy independently, and subsequently, happy together.
4) Conscious couples develop healthy habits.
Conscious couples are healthy couples. They stay active together, whether that means walking the dogs or going to the gym together. When one partner feels lethargic, the other gives him or her a boost. When you actively work on developing healthy habits with your partner, such as exercising and eating healthy foods, the two of you grow together. When you have energy and are physically healthy, you are better able to go out and explore the world. You have confidence, and you feel pleased with your body. When couples don’t engage in healthy habits together, they grow sluggish, and they enable each other when it comes to slacking off on their physical health. In order to be in a happy relationship, you have to feel happy about your body, so develop good habits with your partner.
5) Conscious couples make date night a priority.
I know that life can seem like an endless to-do list, but one of the major reasons for couples growing apart is they failed to take time to be together. A relationship takes time and work, so if you want one (or you want to keep the relationship you’re currently in) you have to spend one-on-one time with your partner. At least one night a week should be saved on the calendar for time with your partner.
This might mean that you have to restructure your budget to accommodate for a babysitter, barter with a friend or neighbor so they watch your kids, or get crafty with what you can do to afford the time and money to have a date night with your honey. The truth is, children benefit from seeing their parents model a healthy, connected love, and so the more you are connected to your partner, the better job you’re doing at teaching them about being in a relationship. The payoffs of developing each of these habits are that you will grow closer to your partner, and you will deepen your connection, rather than growing apart. When people meet, they tend to go out of their way to impress each other, yet over time, it’s easy to become complacent. Nurture and tend to your relationship on a regular basis.
Make sure that you’re communicating, staying active, supporting each other, and making your partner a priority. Start with one of these habits if you’re currently not doing any of them, and watch how your relationship transforms.
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