Don’t Overthink Love
Although women and men often don’t understand each other, the fact that they actually don’t understand themselves is far more devastating. Without that profound knowledge of our own inner selves, we fail to learn what our true feelings, desires and needs are. Thus, instead of embarking on a journey of self-discovery, most people go with the next best thing – the extensive analyses of their relationships. And this is where it all begins – the self-criticism, the criticism of a partner, the fallout, the break-ups and the inevitable loss of self.
The Burden of Labels
In the modern era, the analysis of love begins even before love is found. Most people who start seeing each other delve into the world of questions, such as “where’s this going”, “does s/he like me”, “what does s/he mean by that” and dozens of other seemingly important inquiries. At the very beginning, every answer, question, move, behavior, look and smile have another meaning, a hidden one that we need to interpret. And then there’s the ultimate question – “are we in a relationship?”. If not, another series of possible explanations spiral out into our minds and more often than not they lead to the examination of our self-worth.
Yet, what you forget is to enjoy the moment. Enjoy the secret glances and the excitement of something new. Instead of analyzing the potential of a relationship that is yet to develop, you should let it take its course.
The Loss of Self
It’s not uncommon for a person to lose themselves in their relationships. You keep defining and analyzing yourself in relation to your partner so much that you forget who you are. Arguments lead to self-assessment and self-criticism. You keep wondering whether you’ve done something wrong or if you could have done something differently.
Letting someone become a part of you, especially in a relationship, is quite normal. However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t feel whole without them. You cannot, nor should you, try to make your relationship better without trying to improve yourself. We keep asking the question “what is wrong with me” instead of asking the one that we fear the most – “what if this isn’t right?” Of course, that doesn’t mean that you should give up on your relationship if you know deep down that you truly love your partner. However, don’t overthink it and don’t let yourself fall into the vicious circle of self-doubt.
The Acceptance of Self
Denying your inner self, your desires, needs, hopes, strengths, and weaknesses will prevent you from accepting love. Negative thoughts and self-criticism inevitably lead to self-doubt and self-pity. Consequently, you start convincing yourself that you are unworthy of love or that everything that goes wrong may be actually your fault. Eventually, your own low self-esteem starts reflecting on your relationship, which results in more self-blame, distrust in your partner and overthinking everything.
By accepting yourself, you’ll also be able to accept your partner. Instead of analyzing your relationship, you’ll actually be able to enjoy it. The road to self-acceptance is a long and challenging one, but it all starts with your intention to change. You need to get to know your inner self, embrace your weaknesses and strengths and get rid of the negative self-talk.
If this is too overwhelming, you can always seek support from your friends or experts who can guide you through the process of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Nowadays, there are so many different types of counseling, from certified online therapy services to face-to-face interactions with counselors or support groups. Having a support system will help you overcome challenges, as well as learn to accept yourself and your partner.
The Confusion of Overthinking
If you keep overthinking and overanalyzing love, you will find nothing but confusion. You cannot find rational explanations for your or your partner’s feelings. Overthinking what and why your partner has said or done something will provide you with your own interpretation of the story.
You’ll let your own feelings govern your behavior, which can result in clouded judgment and poor decisions. You can get blinded by your own insights that may not even be true, leaving you in a state of utter confusion. There are numerous factors that can affect your and your partner’s emotions, many of which you might not even be aware of. Overthinking won’t lead you to the final resolution, but only to more unanswered questions.
Love comes and goes, changes, transforms, fades away, persists. Overthinking it won’t reveal to you any hidden forces behind it. Thus, give yourself to it, but don’t lose yourself in it. Let love take its course, without trying to rationalize it. Accept yourself and accept your partner because only then will you be able to find happiness.
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