3 Beliefs Any Codependent Person Needs To Adopt…

3 Beliefs Any Codependent Person Needs To Adopt

Nice doesn’t mean free from ego

Just because you are “nice”, doesn’t mean you’re not coming from ego. So many codependents have the whole helpless savior thing going on. It’s a battlefield where the wounded are trying to heal the wounded, which kills us all.

If you’re hanging out with either an overt narcissist or a perpetual victim, constantly being the rock to continue proving to yourself and them that you’re a good person, at the expense of your own good, it isn’t any good for anybody. If your niceness is getting in the way of your comfort, seriously, you have permission to stop being so nice. Not being comfortable for the sake of someone else’s comfort is a very ego/image oriented act to stay invisible, while trying to be seen as kind. It’s an unnecessary limitation of your own worth.

If you’re very attracted to a codependent type role in relationships, at the end of the day, and each morning, it’s your choice. The best way to stay in your power about it if you know you’re not willing to give it up, is to own it as a choice rather than talking in circles complaining about what’s wrong with the choice you repeatedly make every day. It takes strength to leave, and a different kind to stay. Either way, your strength, your choice. Own it if you won’t bag it.



Everything is just an idea. Literally.

You, and me, and our relationships, they are profound, and very real in energy. But the labels we place upon the sensations we experience by them, are merely ideas in articulate form. All things originated in thought, and all things will return to thought.

Meanwhile, we’re a living expression of an idea acting itself out. It’s okay for the ideas other people have of you to not be ideas you’d prefer they have. Consider how many stupid ideas sell, or spread, and how many great ones get shunned. The idea itself, doesn’t change by your like or dislike of it. It stands as its idea and you stand in your dislike of it.

Your dislike of it, means your attention to it, which means the idea holds power for you somehow. Attention to it, is proof. Point is, there will come a point where you will have the strength to walk away from what you know is toxic for you, and you will worry about what the other person is saying. And you’ll think for far too long that they have power over you, over your reputation, over your anything, but you will prove your own theory wrong. They will be the final teacher in really getting the lesson that, that nothing outside of yourself, can affect your Self.



Empathic or not, “experience” doesn’t have to equal “effect” upon you.

It’s okay if someone doesn’t like the idea of you so long as you stand in the strength of an intestinal fortitude you’ve tucked away since childhood, in the knowing that their ideas about you are not actually who you are. You’ve doubted yourself long enough. Start telling yourself loving things, believe them, and declare that this be the last close call with the demolition of your self-worth. From now on, only you, get the final say in who you are. The voice inside of your head, only has room for your voice and no one else’s projections of who you are.

Declare that your sense of self-worth will, from this day forward, never depend on someone else’s approval or even on your own ideas of what you have to do to be “good”. You’re better than good by soul alone. Become it as living proof of your strength and you’ll leave no open wounds for people seeking toxic style relationships to attach to you by.

Realize that you are not a codependent

Recognize that YOU are not a codependent, but a person who has adopted energetic voids that play themselves out in a codependent like relationship pattern. After a really good look in the mirror, cleaning it hundreds of times, you’ll recognize that a healthy self concept is developed in solid boundaries that aren’t established only in retort to someone violating them. Rather, they are established in energy by adopting the paradigm that your desires, pleasures, and visibility aren’t only allowed, they’re invited.

You came to the world to be seen as you truly are, not to hide for the sake of someone else’s desires to keep you small. Your greatest asset is to fill those energetic voids you’d hoped to fill in others by playing the codependent role, for yourself first. This is when you’ve adopted the health of your spiritual nature, where codependency has no home, and where the truth of interdependency requires us to have strong enough energy management skills to assign the people in our lives who we choose to be interdependent with.

Sometimes the more exclusive we become about who and how we hang out, by hearing the truth about what’s healthy for our soul guides us to the most inclusive kind of belonging of being at home with the essence of ourselves, for the first time in our entire lifetime. To release someone who’s no longer in energetic alignment with you does you both a super solid favor. Trust that.

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Stacy Lee

Stacy Lee Hoch, MA, CLC is the self healing sherpa behind every woman’s must read book Imperfectly Sane available on Amazon. Imperfectly Sane pulls her readers who’ve lived through the darkness of a passed down family system of traumas, who’ve been shamed into oppression and silence, into the light of self healing & sovereignty with a powerful voice that gives each reader a taste of their own powerfully quiet but always there, voice.

Stacy offers services that have catapulted her own radical healing in her one to one private practice with highly motivated clients all over the world who appear to have their lives together by their external image, but their mental and emotional lives feel lost on them.

An Elephant Journal Columnist, an adjunct psychology professor & local workshop facilitator, Stacy is a lover by choice, fighter by necessity, with her first priority being her role of a naturalist mother to three cherubs who keep her ridiculously busy and always growing.

She’s a founding member of an Environmental Charter School, earth, healing, and True Knowledge advocate extraordinaire.

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