Why Boundaries Need To Be Based On Integrity
Boundaries are such a hot topic all over the spiritual community. Boundaries. You have to have boundaries. But what are boundaries, really?
Most people are working within a state of protection. Most of us have had some form of trauma in our early childhood. It doesn’t have to be an intense trauma for it to make an impact. For instance, Chinese Water Torture is some of the most devastating torture there is, yet when broken down to only a single drop, it doesn’t seem all that traumatic.
Some traumas are built up over time, and time again of the same experience being present in a person’s reality. Within each experience, the belief that is being created from that minute trauma is further solidified and rooted deeper into the subconscious mind.
SEE ALSO: 12 Steps To Building Self-Esteem
On protection and distrust
It is important to allow yourself to perceive, on whatever level, that you had trauma as a child. This isn’t to put blame on your parents, but to simply draw awareness to what the trauma created in your belief structure. Unworthiness, distrust and the need for protection are created through these early childhood traumas.
Not feeling completely safe in your surroundings, around others, within yourself, or all of the above is something that most people feel on some level or another, too. It can show itself through a variety of different means; not comfortable in certain expressions, around certain people, concerning certain topics (money, love, power), anxiety, fear, depression, the inability to connect with others, etc (the list is very extensive).
Throughout our experience of growing up, we added to these levels of protection and distrust. Sometimes, these levels of protection can be seen or understood as boundaries. Someone with a lot of protection will naturally be withdrawn in some expression or another. Most likely, they are not putting their energy “out” but instead holding it close to their physical body. There are instances where people are protected on a more intimate level and may put their energy “out” in a more extroverted expression unless in an intimate setting. But either example is an expression through the filter of protection.
This is a belief in lack, ultimately. A belief that one lacks safety and security in their surroundings and the people around them. A belief in the lack of trust – distrust. These expressions, through the filter of lack and fear, are not boundaries, but instead, protection. This type of protection is like a wall. We often feel this in people, whether it is the initial impression when you meet them, feeling that they are slightly withdrawn within themselves or that they are careful not to show all parts of themselves (specifically their true self). Or it is more of an intimate protection where you might not feel these walls unless you enter an intimate relationship with the person.
As you become more aware of these expressions of protection, you begin to see how pretty much everyone protects themselves in this way. There is nothing wrong with this and no judgment is expressed here. As mentioned, this is all being created from a space of pain and lack. So much compassion can be held here for those wounds.
So what are true or healthy boundaries? Boundaries are based on integrity within yourself. Boundaries come from a deep, deep sense of self-love and self-worth. Boundaries come from wholeness, or more correctly, the belief in wholeness because we are always inherently whole. It is only our belief in lack, or adversely, wholeness, that allows us to experience one or the other. Healthy boundaries come from the belief of wholeness. The recognition or the realization of the wholeness rather than the belief of lack, distrust, and unworthiness. The realization of the beauty that you are and the love of the self – the acceptance, compassion towards the self.
When this really happens within you; when you begin to truly figure out who you are; when you begin to really accept who you are and all of your perceived flaws – perceived flaws as there truly are no flaws within the expression of the One Infinite Love. This deep acceptance of yourself allows you to connect to worthiness. You begin to step into true self-love. You begin to realize how beautiful, powerful, complete and unique you are as an individual.
Through this process, internal integrity is created, which is an integrity to the Self; a realization that you are an expression of the One Infinite Love. Through this realization comes integrity to honor that, respect that, stand behind that – you. You begin to naturally honor and respect yourself first and foremost, above all else. How beautiful is that? Through that integrity, boundaries are naturally created. From this space, you begin to know/understand when there is an energy that is being disrespectful, not honoring your expression, or not in alignment with your unique being. Your ability to then act, within the honor of the self, is very apparent, easy, and fluid. There aren’t any questions about how to act or whether or not to act, there is simply a knowing from within.
Boundaries rooted in love
Whether this is through verbal expression, physical expression or energetic expression, the knowingness of how that boundary wishes to be created, expressed or activated in that particular moment is apparent. Because it is the integrity, the love of self that naturally creates a vibratory boundary. The boundary is not a mental construct of allowing a certain energy in or not. It is an intelligence that is relevant within each now. It is the occurrence of one vibration not being in alignment with another.
The idea, from the mental standpoint, of creating boundaries, still feeds the belief of separation and protection. It is a belief that one must protect oneself from others. But when integrity and self-love are fully realized and actualized, the vibration of your field resonates at a very high level. This frequency, rooted deep in love, has its own intelligence. It is intelligent. This intelligence is of the purest form, being without judgment. It isn’t judging the circumstances or the experience, it is simply attracting energies that are of the same vibratory frequency and omitting/repelling those that are not.
The honoring of the Self is a focus inward, a focus on the Divine Love that you are, always. It isn’t a pushing away of other energies, it isn’t a discrimination of other energies. The focus is on what you are rather than what you are not. This realization of the Self, this connection to the Divine Love within, emanates from you. Energies that are not in alignment with this powerful love, usually won’t even come into your experience, your awareness. But if it does, very little actually has to occur from you as far as boundaries go. You will quickly and easily know and understand what, if any, action needs to be taken. And any action within this state will be expressed from that deep integrity and love. The action itself will be deeply rooted within the energy of love.
Ultimately, it is important to understand if you are creating boundaries from the mind or if you are so in love with the unique expression of the One Infinite Love that you, that you stand strongly within that realization and thus your natural frequency is within that love and integrity of the Self.
Questions to ask yourself
To reach these deep levels of self-love and integrity, I invite you to ask yourself where do you believe yourself to be unworthy? Where/how do you not fully love yourself? Where do you not fully accept yourself? Not from the thought, “I accept myself and want to change”, but instead a deep acceptance of what is currently being expressed within you.
Acceptance cannot be a partial expression. It is either full acceptance or it isn’t truly acceptance. Partial acceptance does not gain the compassion of self, and thus the deep love of self that true acceptance does. Where do you not feel as though you are whole? Where do you not believe, no matter what experience/choice/path, that you are a complete expression of the One Infinite Love? As you begin to find these and heal them, through acceptance, you will naturally step into integrity and love of self. Your “walls” will begin to dissolve, and you will be able to actually step into the energy of vulnerability.
This vulnerability will not be within the state of weakness, rather from power, strength, honor, and respect. All of this happens from the realization of who you truly are and the integrity of that truth.
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