Making The Dark Conscious – The Key To Spiritual Leadership
When I first started my journey to train with the Institute of Intuitive Intelligence (1), I was not only highly motivated, but also incredibly naive.
Transformative, life-changing, feels like being in a washing machine – these were the terms that were used by our teacher Ricci-Jane Adams when my sisters and I were about to enter into the Third Level Program (2). I was surprisingly unimpressed. I was dedicated to becoming a spiritual leader with all my being, so none of this scared me. I was more than ready to go.
I am laughing out loud today when I think of myself as I hit the hard ground on day one of the program. My enthusiasm and joy was gone. My sisters seemed so happy and excited but I felt numb, incapable and full of resistance. Physical symptoms of discomfort like rashes and headaches appeared.
I was struggling, not intellectually but physically and emotionally. Incapable of actually feeling the joy for having followed what I was drawn to.
I couldn’t believe it. What was going on?
Only later I realised that I was living from my survival shadow archetypes.
According to Caroline Myss (3), there are four survival shadow archetypes who are at work in our life and linked to the three lower chakras (base, sacral and solar plexus). The Child, the Victim, the Saboteur and the Prostitute.
“They (…) symbolize challenges and how we choose to survive. Together they represent the issues, fears and vulnerabilities that cause us to negotiate away the power of our spirits within the physical world. (…). However they have a light side as they can be your guide if you remain open to what they are teaching you.” (4)
Being a trained lawyer I always had rules and regulations on paper to control everything from, but this new path was the total opposite. I was in the unknown. Once I accepted that I myself had made this choice, the resistance created by the saboteur archetype (5) faded and I started settling on its light side into my new arena.
A few weeks later, going to our retreat in Bali, I was feeling just fine and full enthusiasm. As we started, the saboteur was back: I was uncomfortable and holding back. Not letting go instead of being fully present. I so wanted to do this. Why was I confused?
I understood that there was nothing to want. I of my own self can do nothing.
High-vibing I returned home to hit the next wall: My mind was telling me that it was ridiculous to believe in my own power. I didn’t feel safe. Sitting in in my victim (6) I was blaming the summer break of our third level program for my lack of self-esteem. Hiding away from my power like a toddler behind her mother´s frock I recognised my impulse to create new dependencies from my child shadow archetype (7) instead of taking up my responsibility.
The key to move came from serving my sisters: every time I practised the Method (8) with one of them I was invited to trust in my power.
Finally, I was ready to tackle the challenge of being a mother of three, training as an intuitive guide and re-entering my the old world: my corporate job.
I was willing to show up even though I have been hating this job for a while. To my surprise, my new manager was ignoring what I had to offer. In total disbelief, I felt vulnerable, rejected, unappreciated. My ego was expecting to be rewarded for my sacrifice to go back to a job I hated. You are trading your truth to remain in control, she said. The Prostitute shadow archetype (9). She was telling me what I knew already: there was nothing left for me to do there. I was free to let go of my old world and no longer trade my dreams for safety.
As I deepen into my spiritual awakening, I am able to recognise my shadows sooner and truly appreciate their guidance.
Sometimes however the resistance seems to be stronger than ever.
As if the shadow gets darker, the closer I get.
But I know:
Only by making the dark conscious, I can lead as a sacred leader.
Every time I do it for myself, I do it for everyone else.
2) The Third Level 12 Month Intuitive Guide Certification of the Institute for Intuitive Intelligence
3) Caroline Myss, Sacred Contracts, page 106
4) Caroline Myss, Sacred Contracts, page 111
5) Caroline Myss´ website, Free Resources, Sacred Contracts and your archetypes, appendix the four archetypes of survival: “The Saboteur’s fears and issues are all related to low self-esteem that causes you to make choices that block your own empowerment and success. Once you are comfortable with the Saboteur, you learn to hear and heed these warnings, saving yourself untold grief from making the same mistakes over and over.”
6) Caroline Myss, cf footnote 5: “In its shadow manifestation, the Victim tells you that you are always taken advantage of and it’s never your fault. We may like to play the Victim at times because of the positive feedback we get in the form of sympathy or pity. Our goal is always to learn how to recognize these inappropriate attitudes in ourselves or others, and to act accordingly.”
7) Caroline Myss Website, cf footnote 5: “The Child also establishes our perceptions of life, safety, nurture, loyalty, and family. (…) the core issue of all the Child archetypes is dependency vs. responsibility: when to take responsibility, when to have a healthy dependency, when to stand up to the group, and when to embrace communal life.”
8) The Intuitive Intelligence Method is the initial session when working with a client as a qualified intuitive guide.
9) Caroline Myss, cf foontnote 5: “The Prostitute archetype engages lessons in the sale or negotiation of one’s integrity or spirit due to fears of physical survival or for financial gain. It activates the aspects of the unconscious that are related to seduction and control, whereby you are as capable of buying a controlling interest in another person as you are of selling your own power.”
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