What Is Real Love?

The scene of a woman embracing her newborn when she’s handed over her baby by the nurse often intrigues me as to how does this emotion arise. From the day the woman is given this wonderful responsibility and status of “mother”, she takes care of her baby more than her own self; and even after the child has grown up, her love for the child never fades. This pure relationship between a mother and her child makes me wonder what love is. Is it a rise of emotions, a sense of attachment, an intense attraction, a feeling of affection or a readiness to sacrifice everything for the other person?

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What is Love?

Love isn’t the easiest of emotions to describe. Studies suggest that there are two major drives in love – intense attraction and emotional attachment. Overall, the definition of love ranges from a deep feeling of affection to the embodiment of virtue that ‘always protects, trusts, hopes and cares for no reason’ and goes onto touch right up to the unconditional Godly love. Saint Kabir says one is a learned man if he understands just this one word i.e. LOVE. He has carved a very beautiful definition of love: “That which increases one moment and decreases the next, is not love: That which resides in the heart and remains the same, is real love.”

Worldly Love and Real Love

Love is a positive emotion and an essential sentiment in life. However, the nature of worldly love is such that no matter how earnestly we may love, some or the other expectation does remain. And when this expectation cannot be fulfilled by the other person, one feels dejected! Therefore, worldly love is said to be a seed from which other emotions that of hatred, anger, jealousy, dejection, etc. can arise. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan has given some useful tips, which when made use of, can help strengthen our relationships on the foundation of love. Come; let us see what they are:

  • There is only one way to make this world better and that is through love. This world can be won over only through love.
  • In family life, love should prevail and be present at all times. Conduct yourself in such a way that everyone at home is happy with you. If they hurt you, settle the dispute with patience and try to make them all happy. Then watch the love that develops between you. If we keep behaving negatively, we are destroying the foundation of their love which eventually will not be there.
  • Children are looking for true love. Love that fluctuates is not true love; it is attachment. The love of parents towards their children should be such that the children don’t feel like going away from them. Change your child’s behavior through love and understanding, even when the child does dreadful things. Words that touch the heart are inspirational. Gently run your hand over his head and explain things to him calmly. Your child will become good when you give him love.

Love will work wonders for you although you may not see the results immediately. Just keep showering your love and affection on your child and at a later point of time, you will be rewarded with the fruits of this love.

  • It is wrong to think about the child’s part that ‘my parents do not love me’. All parents love their children. This misunderstanding on their part will hurt their parents, who have undergone great hardships to raise their children. Wrong intellect creates a wrong understanding. And it is this wrong understanding that makes them, as well as those around them, suffer.
  • Even if your spouse tries to create differences, you act as though you both are one. If both the parties end up tearing things, the marriage would end up in a divorce. Love is all about adjustments. Love should be true. Feeble love will last only for a short while.

Conduct your interactions in such a manner that you will love each other. Everyone makes mistakes. What is the point of quarreling when mistakes occur? Do not make any preparations for conflicts. Resolve them while remaining calm. Win over your spouse with love. Yes, love. There is an element of love even in attachment. You do not hate your spouse. Marriages that last are more than just attachment or infatuation.

It is equally important to express your love and appreciation. Let your loved one know that how genuinely you do not like being away from him or her. When some tension arises, win the heart of your loved one by saying, “No matter what you say to me and no matter how upset you get with me, I always miss you when you are not around!”

  • When your near ones happen to depart from this world, it will do no good to break down emotionally; it will only bring suffering to your loved one that has departed. Just like we greet them with love when they come into this world, do the same when they leave too. Pray to God for the salvation of the ones with whom you shared joys and sorrows, and they will be cared for.

What the world regards as love is merely attachment. All attachment by its very nature is associated with expectations. Love of the mother for her child is considered the highest in the world. However, this love too has expectations and disappointments in some corner.

Power of Real Love

Real love is unconditional, i.e. one where there are no expectations or any conditions set for love. Real love is devoid of any reactions, frustrations, attachments or abhorrence. Such lovable person’s aura can change the opposite person completely such that he never feels like going away from Him and willingly does what He is told to do. Such is the effect of real love.

When you love the Soul, only then you are able to love others unconditionally, equally and constantly. And only love of the Supreme Soul has no expectations or self-interest. Therefore, such unparalleled love can only be found in the Gnani or the Lord. This is the Pure love which is craved by one and all, always. Who would not want to be blessed by such love?


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