How To Be A Genuinely Loving Person And Get Rid Of The Subtlest Forms Of My Ego?
Very nice question!
So why not get this answer from someone who is a genuinely loving person himself, and who has successfully got rid of the subtlest forms of their ego. Who could such person be?!
Obviously, he is Gnani, the Enlightened One!
Gnani advises that to become a genuinely loving person:
- Minimize your expectations;
- Do not see faults of each other;
- Do not hurt each other;
- Keep no conditions in love;
- Do not speak negative of the other person. Speak only positive.
- In case you happen to fault in any of the above, seek forgiveness from God;
- In case you do not like any behaviour of the other person, understand that it was so destined; and
- Always See the Pure Soul in the other person.
The Real Definition of Love
‘That which increases one moment and decreases the next is not love. That which resides in the heart and remains the same is real love.’ – Saint Kabir
Gnani’s love is such love, which never fluctuates!!!
Gnani explains, “When there exists love for the other person, but there are no expectations, no attachment and no hatred in it, it is defined as pure love. You don’t see the other person’s faults. If person gives you respect, your love does not increase; and if he insults you, your love does not decrease. Such is the pure love!”
Generally, our love keeps wavering, isn’t it? It keeps increasing and decreasing throughout the day. It is because the love that we have is one with expectations and motive. In spiritual language, such love is said to be selfish.
Wherever There Is Selfishness, There Can Never Be Love
Pure love or the genuine real love exists only where there is no selfishness; where there are no feelings of ‘yours and mine.’ Wherever there is a feeling of ‘yours and mine’, there is definitely selfishness. And there, there’s ignorance of the Self as well.
As Long As There Is The Ego Of ‘I am’ There Is Selfishness
The ego of ‘I am’ implies the ignorance of the Self. It is because of this ignorance of the Self that people have feelings of ‘this is mine and this is yours.’ When one attains Self-Realization, one ceases to have feelings of ‘mine and yours’. And only then can one become a genuinely loving person.
Gnanis have real love for the whole world. That love is the Absolute Soul (Self)! Real love is the union with the Soul, which is free of attachments. Soul is Love. Difficult to understand? Let’s read ahead…
The True Definition of Ego
Ego is when you do not know who you really are; and hence you identify yourself with that which you are not. You really are a Pure Soul. But since you do have the knowledge of the Self, you believe, “I am John (you may insert your own name here).’
John is just a name given to identify you. There is no harm in saying, “I am John.” It is used to identify you from the rest. But you begin to believe that really ‘I am John.’ The belief that, “I am John” is called ego. The belief of anything other than ‘I am a Pure Soul’ is called ego.
We Do Not Have to get Rid of the ‘I’; We Just Need to put the ‘I’ in its Correct Location
If the ‘I’ is in its real place, then it is not ego. When you identify ‘I’ with your Soul (I in its proper place), then it is not ego. If the ‘I’ comes out of its incorrect place (John) and assumes its real place, then the ego is gone. Therefore, we do not have to get rid of the ‘I’; we just need to put the ‘i’ in its correct location.
This Process of Putting ‘I’ in its Correct Location is called Self-Realization
There are two ways to attain Self-Realization.
1. One is a step-by-step path, which is full of penance, renunciation, etc., to reach our goal or destination. On this path, the ego has to be purified from the weaknesses of anger, pride, illusion, lust, and greed. One purifies his ego through renunciation and penance. It is like purifying gold; we cannot do it without the heat of the fire (suffering). Once the ego is pure, the Soul manifests. Soul is nothing but Pure Love.
On this path, one’s progress is dependent upon the extent of his penance.
But what if we do not have that much power to do penance?
Therefore, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says, “If I ask you to do something, how will you be able to do it when you yourself are bound by anger, lust, greed, pride, attachment and abhorrence? You are the prisoner of your bondages. How will you get rid of your bondages? Nowadays, nobody has the power to do penance. I am here to give you this new and simple Akram path.”
2. So, another path is the Akram path or the stepless path to Self-Realization, where the Living Gnani Purush, directly with his divine grace, purifies our ego for us. He takes away both our ego and our attachment and then, we attain the experience of our pure Self. Only after we experience our Self, our work is done!
How do we know that our work is done? Anger, lust, greed and pride (krodh-maan-maaya-lobh) are subtle forms of ego. These begin to go away. Our internal suffering goes away. There will not be adverse meditation anymore (which happened due to our ego). Nor will there remain a feeling to hurt others. This provides us the confirmation that our work is done.
On this Akram path, we achieve liberation while simultaneously fulfilling our worldly duties; without having to renounce the world. There is no pain and misery here. Since such an easy path to liberation exists, why not take advantage of it? And for this, we do not have to do much. We just have to meet Gnani. When you will see Gnani, love will naturally arise for the Gnani. Once this love arises, all solutions follow.
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