The Best Approach To Save A Relationship From Breaking Up
Does it seem like circumstances are drawing you to a point where destiny is about to say goodbye to something that was once wonderful in your life, and everything that you do to save it is only making the situation worse?
Sometimes, even roses can wilt. Similarly, good relationships too, could at times, be standing on the brink of devastation. But if your intention is clear that you want to save the relationship from breaking up, don’t give up. Here’s the approach you can take:
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Make a decision that you want to get the relationship back on the road, without worrying whether you will meet success or not. Irrespective of what the outcome is, hold onto your intent! Sooner or later, it will happen. But you will get the desired result. This is science!
Moreover, one has to maintain extreme awareness when dealing with those whom we have sticky karmic accounts. Therefore, from today, harness one more strong intent to try and never hurt your partner through your speech or action, and not even spoil your thoughts for him or her. This constant intention of yours will bring about a paramount shift in the health of your relationship.
Sit in a quiet place, where there is calm and peace. Surrender all your worries to God and pray to Him to guide you in this endeavor. Now, close your eyes and introspect i.e. self-examine, as to what caused your relationship to take the wrong turn, from when did things begin to go off the rails, and which patterns of your behavior led to the creation of problems between the two of you.
The findings of this self-examination process will prove extremely valuable, as they will help you:
- figure out your mistakes, which were not known to you so far,
- study your behavioral patterns that are causing great damage to your relationship, and
- identify the grey areas where you still miss clarity on what went wrong.
Every human being makes mistakes. Making a mistake is not a crime, but not realizing or after realizing, not accepting the mistake is wrong. So, write down your mistakes that were unearthed during the introspection exercise.
And for each mistake, do pratikraman — an ancient vedic technique, as specified below:
- Alochana i.e. confess one’s mistake– Pray to God saying, “Oh God, I’ve made this mistake.”
- Pratikraman i.e. ask for forgiveness – “Please forgive me for this mistake.”
- Pratyakhyan i.e. firm determination to never repeat the mistake –“And give me the strength to not do this mistake again.”
Pratikraman is a scientific spiritual process that liberates us from our mistakes when done with true repentance in our heart. Each of our mistakes has several layers. And therefore, it may happen that in spite of doing pratyakhyan, the mistake still repeats. But don’t worry, for it is just another layer of the mistake. Once again sincerely do pratikraman to wash off this layer of mistake as well. Gradually, one day, you will see yourself having freedom from that mistake forever!!
Through introspection, we can come to know about some of the destructive behavioral patterns that we have adopted. Many times we protect our ego, or to take revenge for the serious internal emotional upheaval that we have taken of the other person’s behavior, or convince ourselves that we are right. Don’t you think that more important than being right it is more important to save the relationship? Any suffering that we undergo in life is the fruit of our own past karma. In your previous life, you have done something wrong, and in this life, you are suffering its consequences. So where comes the question of seeing the fault of others?
Forgive your partner fully. And resolve that you do not want to continue anymore with your false pride or ego, nor with your damaging patterns that are causing hurt to you and to others too. For every hurt that you have caused so far, remember God is residing within your partner and do pratikraman. Repeated pratikramans wipe off the many errors that have been caused in these sticky relationships.
To deal with the grey areas that you identified during your self-examination, talk with your partner. This is one of the crucial steps, so do proper justice to it. Pick a good time and place where you can have a calm and lengthy, rational discussion with each other. You talk, and it is important that you also let your partner talk while you patiently listen to what your partner has to say. Try to understand what your partner is saying, with an open, clear and broad mind.
If grey areas still persist, you can ask your partner in a requesting tone, “What are you trying to say? I am not understanding the reason for you behaving this way, so can you please explain where my mistake is happening? Let’s get to a solution please.”
If only one of you wants to save the relationship, it becomes difficult. But if you both are keen, work together on how to reconnect, and be able to love and feel for each other as you did earlier. It’s important to merge your viewpoints on where the relationship is going wrong. So open up and tell your partner how you think and feel. When you’re open and honest, you’re helping your partner to be equally open and honest too. Do not point fingers or blame each other. If you both focus on your own individual mistakes, you will get to an amicable relationship very soon.
A healthy relationship is one where you allow each other to be their own self and you respect each other’s personality for what it is, you keep interest in what the other person is doing, and encourage one another to pursue their individual goals in life. An ill relationship is one where either or both of you always want to have things your way and no one wishes to compromise the least in it.
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