When Your Gut Instinct Misleads You In Dating
You are told to follow your ‘gut instincts’, but what if it is leading you to make bad choices in your life?
Have you ever sat opposite someone, maybe at dinner or out for a coffee, and thought, “This is the person I have dreamt of dating my whole life?” And yet, you weren’t quite “feeling it.”
And yet on other occasions, you sit opposite someone and you know that there is something about the situation that doesn’t feel right, and you are “feeling it”.
Do you find yourself coming up with the reason why you didn’t see this going anywhere?
- They didn’t seem interested enough in my job
- He walked me to my car but he should have asked me to text him when I got home safely
- They don’t call enough or
- They are more into this than me
- I will only end up hurting them in the long run.
Do you friend zone these nice people far too quickly, end it or ‘ghost’ them?
Why might this be?
Well, it could be that you weren’t feeling it because you weren’t ready and able to commit yet. That something inside of you could see this could be ‘a keeper’ but you just were not ready to take that step. Whereas the other person, the one that you knew would be bad for you or that wouldn’t last, well that was a much better option as you knew it meant you didn’t need to commit.
Another reason could be that you are attracted to a certain type and a certain type is attracted to you! Your brain learns how to ‘do’ relationships at a very early age and this can be reinforced as you start to make your way into the world of intimate relationships.
If you learned that relationships are unreliable, that they are always a certain way, then you will lookout for these signs when you meet someone. You recognize these as familiar and your brain sends signals that this is what you know so you can go for it! Unfortunately, it is getting those signals all mixed up and is leading you into the same-old same-old, although it may feel right.
How do you see yourself?
If you have learned to believe you are unlovable or that in order to receive love you need to people-please, then you will reject the possibility of a healthy relationship because you don’t feel worthy. Your brain will tell you it is not ‘what you do’ that it won’t fulfill your needs to please others and therefore you will once again choose something that proves your negative belief system to be correct.
And you will feel this in your gut as all the old signals will be triggered in your brain, fooling you that this is okay. When it will just lead to the same old thing…again. How do you change the patterns of relationships that you have and allow something better? So can be ready for that person who you have dreamed of, the one that you sit across from that could actually bring some positivity to your life and show you that relationships can be good for you.
Well, you need to check in with those gut instincts and recognize they are leading you down the garden path to unhappiness…if you don’t feel that tinge of excitement or passion, this could be a positive thing as your brain hasn’t triggered those old things you are attracted to. You need to understand how you see relationships, what you expect them to be, and what your role is to be in them. Also, how you see yourself. Do you believe you are unworthy of something better? It is time to change your perception of you so that you can have the relationship that you truly deserve.
One that you want to commit to, knowing it can be something beautiful, happy, and fulfilling.
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