Is Insecurity Undermining Your Relationship?
If you feel insecure about yourself, it could be seriously undermining your relationship. Or, maybe your partner struggles with insecurity, and you don’t understand what is going on with them or what to do about it. Regardless of who is insecure in the relationship, it can lead to unexpected consequences — it can drive you apart. It has the effect of wearing you down as a couple, stealing precious energy that could be devoted to building you up.
Insecurity creates layers of problems, and in this blog, I’ll go over 3 of the biggest problems, as well as 3 tips for moving out of insecurity and into a place of greater self-confidence.
SEE ALSO: 6 Secrets To Emotional Intimacy
Insecurity creates relationship problems
When insecurity is present in a relationship, whether it’s one or both partners, there are several problems that are created as a result, rather than eliminating issues. The first problem is communication. An insecure person may not be assertive about stating their feelings and opinions for fear of rocking the boat. The fear is that they’ll drive away their partner if they aren’t in agreement with them, and so they tamp down their feelings and don’t bring up anything that may cause conflict.
The second problem is a negative thought-loop. Insecure people worry about what they could potentially lose, and they lose sight of what they have and what they can potentially create. Their thinking stays locked on negative thoughts, and they can struggle to celebrate the positives that they have in life, instead waiting for the “other shoe to drop.”
The third problem is that they put a lot of demands on their partner without realizing how draining they can be… they never feel loved enough, attractive enough, smart enough, secure enough, and their partner can be left scrambling to constantly reassure, reassure, and reassure some more. This is how eventually a partner can be pushed away from an insecure partner.
So let’s look at what can be done to strengthen security.
Tip #1: security comes from inside
Insecure people reach outside of themselves for security, but it’s an elusive goal. Asking your partner to constantly reassure your worth creates a dependency loop. When reaching outside of ourselves for this, we never achieve the goal of feeling secure. That’s because it’s a temporary high, and then you slide back into your own thoughts again.
Tip #2: exchange thought loops
One aspect to work on is the negative thought loop… focus on replacing it with a positive thought loop.
Think of the negative thought loop as a little devil on your shoulder. Then, visualize a much larger angel on the other shoulder. Every time the little devil speaks up and says something that demoralizes you or makes you feel worthless, have the angel speak louder with the positives about you, drowning out the devilish claims. Make a list of positives, and repeat them regularly. You could list things such as what a good friend you try to be, or good sibling, worker, etc. Anything that you do that is a positive, list it… even if it seems insignificant. You are building a case to support your self-confidence.
Tip #3: build your self-confidence sources
Insecure people need to work on creating their own “wins.” The way to feel more self-confident is to put yourself in a position of experiencing positive, forward-moving wins. It may be starting up a walking program and watching yourself progress over the weeks. Or, you may take a class and receive positive feedback for your efforts.
The point is to perform tasks that give you positive returns. These will add to your self-confidence level when you feel a sense of achievement.
My best to you in gaining self-confidence and improving your relationship.
Are you experiencing insecurity?
Does your partner experience insecurity?
If either, or both, of you experiences insecurity, what has the effect been on your relationship?
Please share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.
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