Is Patience A Secret Ingredient For A Happy Marriage?
Yes, patience is definitely one of the secret ingredients for a Happy Marriage!
Imagine, husband wakes up early in the morning, but keeps patience until his wife serves him nice hot tea. There would be so much of peace. And what would happen if he didn’t keep patience? Fight over tea right in the morning, isn’t it?! which could continue even on lunch and the whole day through – “You are like this.. Oh, you are like that. You will never understand. Where do you understand?” – goes on and on…
Despite the love that exists between the husband and wife, inner conflicts and overt quarrels occur between the two. Reason being lack of patience and understanding.
Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan (Mr. Ambalal) says, “your daily meals are destined and will come at the precise time; such is the force of the law of Nature. When the hair on your face grows even against your wish, will the food not arrive?… What more does one need besides the basic necessities?”
Mr. Ambalal was happily married to Mrs. Hiraba. They did not have children, but both lived their life with respect, humility and love for each other. Everyday Mrs. Hiraba would make lunch for him. But sometimes, if the curry turned out to be salty, Mr. Ambalal would remain patient. He would add a little water to it so as to dilute the excess salt’s taste, and then drink it, without any complaint!
One day, Hiraba happened to see him do this. She was astonished, “Oh! Why didn’t you tell me? I would have put it on the stove after adding water, so that it tastes good.” However, Mr. Ambalal lovingly said, “It doesn’t matter!” He respected Hiraba and did not see any faults of hers. This is the key that keeps one patient, and it works as the secret, but very effective, ingredient for a happy marriage.
One loses patience because one feels the other person is wrong. Agree? Obviously, if the curry is salty, how can one take it? Let’s see what Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan has to say regarding this, “This food is your own (earned in your past life, according to the law of karma). So, when you find faults with whatever is served on your plate, will that increase or decrease your happiness? Why deal with things in a manner that decreases your happiness? You should not conduct yourself or deal with situations in a manner that will cause your happiness to decrease. I am often served vegetables I do not like, but I eat them, and I say that the vegetables were very good. It is not to unnecessarily pacify the mind. The food will go down your throat easier if you say, you like it. When you say you do not like it, you will upset the vegetables, as well as the one who cooked them. And your children too will pick up on your behaviour”
By adopting such understanding in life, every relationship can be nurtured the loving way!
Let’s take another example.
There’s a set of good sofas at home. The neighbours, who never had any, just bought a new sofa set. When the wife sees the new sofa-set, she comes home and complains before her husband, “how nice our neighbour’s sofas look! The ones we have, have become so old. I want to buy new ones, like that of neighbour’s.” If the husband terms this as a futile expenditure, or says, ‘let’s buy it a little later’, the wife loses her cool and fight begins.
There was no problem until she saw the neighbour’s sofa. But the moment she set her eyes on the new sofa, she brought home big fight, that keeps growing in life, “Your friend built a beautiful bungalow; and see, we do not even have any bungalow, you have never built anything in life. You have never given me any happiness in life.”
Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says, “These are all self-created sufferings.” Suffering is a matter of belief. People have haphazardly labelled everything as suffering without thinking or analyzing it. We have all the happiness of a Queen, but what can be done if we do not know how to enjoy it? We show no patience and thus bring unhappiness into our lives. It’s like putting sand in Basmati rice, for which you’ve paid a lot of money.
Param Pujya Dadashri advises, “Liberation aside, one should at least have some awareness as to what is beneficial and what is harmful in daily living.” Patience, respect, understanding and love are some of the key ingredients for a happy marriage. With these virtues, there remains peace and harmony, and not to mention ‘Unity’ in our home!
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