How To NOT Be Your Own Worst Critic
How is your year going?
If you made resolutions your answer will be pretty black or white. They’re either going well and you’re feeling light and powerful or they’re not going well and you’re feeling defeated and unhappy.
If you’ve listened to my podcast for a while you know I support choosing a word of the year instead of making resolutions. I have many reasons for this but the main one is resolutions do not foster positive feeling states which means they are not the path to positive change. I’m all about evolving to that next best level of ourselves. How do we do that? Focus on how we want to feel and get clear on the actions we need to take to get there. We do what we do so that we feel a certain way. If we say we want to lose 10 lbs, its because of how we think we’ll feel when we are 10 lbs lighter. If we want to make more money, it’s because of how we think we’ll feel when we are earning more. If we say we want to yell less, it’s because of how we’ll feel when we are yelling less. This is why choosing a word of the year is magical. It focuses on our desired feeling state. We don’t limit ourselves to the results (less weight, less yelling, etc…
The first year I chose a word of the year I chose the word JOY. I wrote the word on stickies all around my house and got a bracelet that said the word to remind me of my intention during the day. When a decision came up, I measured the two options against my desired feeling state of joy. Would writing that one more email or sitting next to my son bring me joy? Do that. Would finishing my blog or watching Netflix bring me joy? Do that. Would eating that brownie or going for a walk bring me joy? Do that. In focusing on how I wanted to feel and how I wanted my year to go, I let go of the perfectionism of my past and the black and white framework resolutions set up.
That first year of choosing a word of the year turned out to be the most joyful year of my life because of the small steps I took every day to choose my desired feeling state. Does that mean every day was joyful? No. But each moment of each day, I had the choice to choose joy again. Contrast that against If I had had a resolution to only do things that brought me joy and I missed a day, I would’ve felt disappointed in myself and critical of my actions….Oh warriors, If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent enough of your life judging and criticizing yourself. Life is difficult. We make mistakes. Choose to set yourself up for success.
A Kinder Way
As I’ve aged, I have come to discover a more accepting and peaceful way to live life. I like to think of it as the difference between looking at my actions as either a critic or a detective of myself. Am I criticizing myself or looking at my actions through a kind and curious lens?
The further I move from judgement of myself and my actions, the better I feel. I don’t need to be my worst critic. People are going to criticize me. I don’t have to be one of them. The more curious I can get about myself and my actions, from the standpoint of a kind observer, the better for all. For me, for my family, for my community.
Life is an Education
Life is all about learning about ourselves. Learning why we do what we do. Learning about what pisses us off and why. Learning about what excites us and why. There is no one else like you on this planet. When we open our minds to learning from our experiences instead of judging ourselves for them, magical things happen. This is the difference between making resolutions and choosing a word of the year.
It’s a Choice
Wherever you are on your path, why not choose to make this a day, a week, a year to feel good about yourself? Choose to be your biggest supporter. Choose to view your mistakes as part of the process. Choose to enjoy the learning experiences. Choose to support yourself. Choose to enjoy the practicing, the daily tasks, the little things. Choose to view your days as step stones to a greater journey, not lessons of how you never do what you say you’ll do; not as reinforcement as to why nothing works for you. Our brain looks for what we train it to look for. If you want something different, do something differently If you want to feel differently, focus on different thoughts. Don’t allow those toxic thoughts in. Choose to be curious. Choose to learn. Move away from self judgement. Choose to be your best supporter.
If you’re having a hard time with your relationship with yourself please make sure you subscribe to my podcast and that you get my weekly newsletter. I offer multiple free resources in addition to paid programs throughout the year where I can help you with this. I will help you become your best cheerleader. To see yourself through my eyes and how I see you. To imagine a future unlike your current reality. To challenge your brain to make new patterns and habits that support you on your learning journey here on earth.
Today is Your Day.
This is your moment. At any moment of any day in any month of any year you can start again. Choose to be your best supporter. You are the only you on earth. You matter to me. Now matter to you.
Go get it warrior.
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