How To Manage Expectations And Keep Ourselves Happy?
A life free of conflicts keeps one happy!
Man is a social animal. And therefore, day in and day out, we come in interaction with several people. They could be our loved ones i.e. our spouse, our child, our parents, our siblings, etc. or could be any other person that we happen to meet.
Our intention is always to deal with people in a loving manner. Yet, conflicts arise! This confuses us at every step in life that why is there this suffering, inspite of it all? To this, Gnani, with a smile on His face, reveals a secret, “Do not get inner suffering and worry about what I should do to solve these problems. You have attachment, and that is why you are having conflict!”
We’ve tried out various worldly methods to resolve the conflicts, but in vain. Today, let us attempt to see things from the perspective of Gnani, the Enlightened One, who has a wonderful understanding that can lead us to freedom from all types of suffering and keep us happy!
• Decide “I don’t want to keep any expectations”. Gnani explains: The reason why we have quarrels with our loved ones is: because we have affection for each other. Owing to affection, in reaction, quarrels happen. From attachment arise expectations. The more the attachment for one another, more are the expectations from each other. And when the expectations do not get fulfilled, conflicts begin. When over-attachment reduces, the conflicts automatically dissolve and the relationship becomes a loving one.
But for this, Gnani says, “do not bother about reducing attachment or affection, you only decide, ‘Whenever my expectations are not fulfilled, I don’t want to hurt my loved one. I want to make him / her happy, and therefore I will be adjustable with my loved one.’”
• Decide “I want to make my partner happy”. Maximum expectations arise between a husband and wife. When both, husband and wife, are adamant that, “I want to be happy. No matter how troublesome it is for you, you HAVE to give me happiness”, then one can never be happy.
However, if we take the initiative and decide that, “I want to make my partner happy”, it will keep both, our partner as well as us, happy!!
• Decide “I want to take adjustment with this person”. When we feeI unhappy, our first reaction is: we try and separate ourselves from the person who we feel made us unhappy. Gnani explains, “suppose we separate and go to some other place, still our problem remains with us; because it is not the other person who is giving us the problem, it is our anger, our pride, our own mistakes that are giving us the problem. If we make adjustment with the other person, our improvement will be there, such that we can go everywhere and we will be adjustable with any person.”
• Decide, “I will see my faults!” Whenever anything wrong happens, our general tendency is to immediately see the fault of the other person and blame him / her. Today, let’s try something different! We’ll see what my fault in this is, and work upon eliminating it. This not only keeps us happy, as we become better human beings; but at the same time, keeps people around us happy too.
• Start doing pratikraman. Pratikraman means to apologise for our mistakes before God. Every time we happen to hurt anyone, through our words or actions or even in our thoughts, we will immediately do pratikraman, with sincere repentance in our heart; and we will also decide to not hurt the person again. This washes away our bad deed and it keeps us happy and peaceful.
• Pray. Prayers have great power! We shall pray to the inner Pure Soul residing within the person with whom we are experiencing conflict, “Oh God! Let us have the right understanding so that we do not hurt each other and we give happiness to each other.” This will help us accept and follow each other’s words without any misunderstanding, and we will be happy.
• Remain in satsang i.e. in the company of Gnani, the Enlightened One!!! The right understanding yields happiness, whereas wrong understanding leads to unhappiness. Staying with Gnani builds a strong foundation of right understanding within us, which helps keep ourselves and the people around us always happy. When you meet Gnani in person, you can even ask Him questions and obtain exact answers to your satisfaction. And until you meet Him in person, you may visit the website https://www.dadabhagwan.org – There’s good stuff available there!
• Try reading the books, Adjust Everywhere, Avoid Clashes, ‘Life without Conflict’ and ‘Harmony in marriage’. Read these books and you will definitely get the keys to happiness in there. They give us good insight into how to resolve conflicts, or for that matter avoid clashes altogether, to live a happy and harmonious life. You can download these books for free, from https://www.dadabhagwan.org/books-media/books/
Gnani says, “Where there is no expectation, of not even a single thing, there arises independent bliss, that which does not depend upon anything or any person!!”
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