How To Let Go Of A Toxic Relationship (Part Two)…

How To Let Go Of A Toxic Relationship (Part Two)

Welcome back to part two of this article. If you haven’t read part one, you can do so here.

Here’s what you need to know when letting go of a toxic relationship:

Expose it for what it is – TOXIC

Toxic relationships are unlike any other type of relationship you’ve probably experienced. You must know within yourself if this relationship brings out the BEST or worst of who you are.

Here are some questions to consider:

  • Does this relationship uplift you emotionally?
  • Does your partner respect and support who you are as a person in the relationship?
  • More specifically, do they encourage and support the goals and dreams you have for your life?
  • Do they downplay or minimize your goals and achievements?
  • Do they crush your dreams and make you feel insignificant or barely tolerable, as if you are a burden to be around?
  • Have they cheated and shown no remorse when confronted about their cheating?
  • How often have they cheated?
  • Do they ghost you whenever it’s convenient for them and then reappear when they need to be loved or cared for? AKA – they only want sex.

Now ask yourself, what’s the recurring theme in this relationship? I think you already know what the answer to that question is. Being truthful with yourself during and after the breakup will make the healing process a smoother, less dramatic experience. It won’t be easy, but learning to acknowledge the truth about your relationship will help you to move on with clarity, rather than shifting blame back and forth between yourself and your toxic ex.

Have clear boundaries

When you are letting go of your toxic ex and the relationship, something you might struggle with is enforcing your boundaries. You may have entered the relationship with minimal requirements for your partner to adhere to and respect, maybe because you were likely experiencing the honeymoon phase of your relationship where you felt blissfully euphoric, cared for, and safe as if you’ve finally met your prince charming; you felt there was no need to protect yourself because your ex will do it for you.

Or you may not have had any boundaries, to begin with, because you never thought in a million years that you would ever allow yourself to be mistreated the way you have when you agreed to allow your toxic ex into your life. However, when you are in the letting go stage of your relationship, you must actively and aggressively enforce your boundaries when necessary. Going no contact is an absolute MUST.



The purpose of the No Contact Rule

You may have heard of the phrase ‘No-Contact’ or ‘Going No Contact’, which is used by many survivors of both emotional and physical abuse as a self-protective tool to limit ALL contact from your toxic ex, which is intended to stop your ex from inflicting any more emotional or physical harm towards you. In theory ‘going no-contact seems simple to follow and enforce; you just need to enforce your boundaries and cut off all communication, correct?

Well, no, it’s not that simple. This is the biggest hurdle for many women who are letting go of their toxic ex. I struggled a great deal with ‘going no-contact because how do you go from being enmeshed in almost every aspect of your ex’s life and he to yours, and then abruptly going cold turkey to never communicate or verbally speak to them again?

In theory, it sounds like an excellent idea, it is, but with practice and a whole LOT of patience on your part. Please do not be hard on yourself if you’ve attempted to block him on all social media platforms but decided to keep your phone number the same just in case, he changes who he is overnight – (not happening). Going no-contact will take time, effort, patience, and discipline on your part. I recommend removing your emotions and getting clear in your mind as to WHY you have decided to end this toxic relationship in the first place (go through the list of questions I posed to you at the beginning of this post).

Once you are crystal clear about WHY you are enforcing no-contact and why it’s necessary for you to implement, only then can you move forward and LET GO of your toxic ex. Take a moment and emotionally recall how you felt when he ghosted you on your birthday, over the holidays, or on your 2nd anniversary – how did that make you feel?

Keep yourself busy

The second part of going no contact is planning to keep yourself busy. This is particularly important to consider when you are letting go of a toxic relationship.

There are three reasons you should plan to keep yourself busy:

  1. Getting involved in NEW activities and hobbies outside your existing relationship will give you a different perspective on what is missing from your life and ultimately your relationship. Participating in new activities and hobbies that interest you apart from what your toxic ex-likes or prefers will uplift, inspire, and motivate you to keep moving forward.
  2. For each day that you’ve decided to go, no-contact plan what you will do on each of those days. For example, let’s say you start no contact from Monday right through Friday; your responsibility to yourself is to fill up those days with productive, inspiring, self-healing activities that will help you to stay focused on yourself and NOT on your toxic ex.
  3. Keeping yourself productive and busy during the phase of no-contact also gives you time to reconnect to who you authentically are from within and to rediscover the empowered divine feminine that has always existed within you, and which you were meant to evolve into without having to worry about what your toxic ex has to say about it. You’ve probably put a lot of weight into how your toxic ex will feel or think about you once you’ve decided to let go and begin the process of rebuilding and reclaiming your life, but his feelings, concerns, and opinions are NO longer your problem.

Putting things into perspective

What’s most important is that you let go of this phase of your life with your dignity and integrity in tack. Letting go of a toxic relationship will take hard work, dedication, and unflinching discipline to disentangle yourself from the web of lies and toxicity that has eroded the essence of who you are as an empowered divine feminine. Please seek support and help when you are ready to take the leap and let go!

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Tonya J.

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Tonya J. is the Founder + Breakup Coach of Loving Ahead. Tonya is also a thriving survivor of narcissistic abuse.

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