How To Effectively Guide Your Child, In Every Aspect Of Life…

How To Effectively Guide Your Child, In Every Aspect Of Life

Just imagine! The world is in utter distress today, and if your child can grow up to help bring some relief and peace in this world, what an incredible achievement that would be. In order to achieve that, the first priority of the day is their studies. Education not only helps them sort out their worldly life, but will also go a long way in helping them fulfil the noble cause of helping the world.

Param Pujya Dadashri, an enlightened being says, “Every young adult has the potential to help the entire world. He just needs the right guidance and support.”

Having said that, the fact is that children do not like to study; they would rather watch TV, play video games, use their cell phone and computer, or play outdoors for long-long hours. ‘How can we help them get over these distractions and guide them towards their education?’ This is the question on every parent’s mind today. And the biggest challenge in resolving this question is, ‘Children do not listen to us, they do not obey us, they do not understand us, they have no respect for us…’

Although this is an uphill task, the words of a Gnani (Self-Realized One) are such that they not only take away our pain, and comfort us in every way, but also give us practical solutions. So come, let us attempt to resolve this question by educating ourselves first, with the help of the Gnani’s words.

To begin with, should we explore the reasons behind the challenge that we are facing? Here, they are…

Expectations: Wherever one has attachment and possessiveness for someone, expectations for that person arise naturally. Since we have attachment for our children and therefore we have attachment for him / her. And from this attachment, arise expectations that, ‘My child should do this, My child should not do this. My child should listen to me, My child should do what I say…’ These expectations bring us suffering.

Insistence: Ordinarily, it is a normal to think that, ‘My child should do this’, but as our ego blends with this thought, insistence creeps in, “You MUST do as I say. I will not allow anything else.” In insistence ‘I’ becomes prime and we may not realize it, but we begin to boss around our children. This brings us even more suffering.

Harboring opinions: Inspite of our insistence, when the child does not do as we say, we get furious AT them. We form opinions for them and harness contempt within. By keeping an opinion, we lose our peace of mind and our child will lose their peace of mind. Thus leading to unnecessary anguish within. These opinions do not allow free and frank communication and slowly our child starts drifting away from us. We must understand that no one is bad. If things are perceived as they are, there shall be no pain.

Dominant Ego: Being a parent, the ego that, “I am older than you, I understand more than you, etc…” is natural and to some extent correct. However, when this ego grows too big, it creates a gap between the child and us. Our dominating approach could hinder the child’s openness, spontaneity, creativity and his normal growth and progress. It will not allow us to understand the child’s perspective in its full scope and we could end up crushing his or her feelings and emotions for no rhyme or reason.

Excessive Attention: We have lost the normality in our life. Being oppressive is wrong and pampering is equally wrong. It often spoils the child. Thinking about our child more than what is necessary causes vibrations that can make them feel suffocated due to lack of freedom and independence.

Influence of our behavior: Kids are watching our behavior very closely. Children do not like it when their parents fight; they get sad and depressed and gradually we lose respect in their eyes.

Generation gap: Many problems arise because of the generation gap between parents and their child. The understanding, the thinking pattern, the grasping are quite different due to a gap of 25 years or more between the two.

Now that we know few of the reasons, how do we go about bringing a solution to the above?

Teach by setting the example: The first teacher for the child is his mother, then the father and then the teachers in school. Teach him from a very young age, what is humbleness, what is respect, what one should and should not say, how to say things in the right manner. Also, educate your child to pray for world peace and salvation from a very tender age. However, none of your teachings will hold value unless he sees them in you and he experiences it himself. Whatever we want to teach our children, should be a part of our life, only then will they learn. First and foremost, have normality in your life.

Never hurt: Make a firm resolve that your child should not get hurt by your words, thoughts or actions. Be a friend to him. Your child will then enjoy being in your company and will interact with you the most.

Ask for forgiveness: When you repent heartily and ask for forgiveness for occasions where you ill-treated your child, all your faults get washed off. It will destroy the aggression in your thoughts, speech, and actions, as discussed in the ‘reasons’ section above, which was actually causing all the problems in your relationship. But it is important we know the correct way to ask for forgiveness. Let us learn…

1. Do not ask for forgiveness from your child directly, as there is a high probability that the child could misuse it; or the child may feel embarrassed.

2. Instead, remember the Soul or the God residing within your child.

3. Then, admit and accept your mistakes to that Soul.

4. Repent strongly for each of your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

5. Resolve that you will never make such mistakes ever again.

6. If the mistake reoccurs (and in every probability it will reoccur), repeat the above steps 2-5.

Mistakes repeat because there are many layers to it and every time you follow step 2-5, one layer of mistake gets washed off.

7. Thereafter, carry no burden of the mistakes as you are on the right track now; but always maintain total awareness that the mistake does not happen again. Yet, if the mistake happens again, do not fret nor try to hide or protect your mistake by giving excuses and reasons to defend yourself. Just own it and once again do the above steps 2-5.

This is a scientific approach! As you start doing it, you will see for yourself that the feelings of contempt or hatred for your child will not arise at all. On the contrary, you will have a positive effect on him.

Nurture with love: Always keep an eye on your child, to ensure that they do not get onto a wrong track. This does not mean you do not trust them. Real parents are those who manage to change their children’s behavior through love and understanding. When you love them unconditionally, they shall be yours forever.

Maintain a Scientist’s approach: Theoretically and practically, keep experimenting and go on studying the results. Observe what results, which actions bring. With every experience you gain, set things accordingly. A slight deviation in your belief and the result will change. So have it in your attention that, ‘By believing this, I got this result, and when I believed that, I used to get that result. The result is not yet upto the mark. What should I do next to get the desired result?’

When you arrive at the correct belief inside, you will get the exact result outside. Everything then will get sorted out; your faults will cease, you will experience peace of mind, and the relationship with your child shall become one of the best.

And then you will be able to correctly and effectively guide your child, not only towards education, but in every sphere of his life!! All the best…


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Dada Bhagwan

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In June 1958, spontaneous Self-Realization occurred within Ambalal M. Patel. From this point on, Ambalal became a Gnani Purush, and…

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