How I First Discovered Free Space In Which Trauma Can Unravel…
So in my own little story, at a certain point in my twenties after running wild and having lots of good and also difficult times, being a little bit addicted to sex and drugs and honeymoons, and that kind of stuff… and facing dramas and all that comes with that… then at a certain point…an inner search began.
There was a search coming alive in my heart. You know like, “What, what is this life for? What, what can it really be about?”
Like this deep calling, and perhaps many of you can relate to that, this calling in my heart like, “What… tell me the truth, tell me the truth.” there is something I need to know…
And there appeared a guy in my world (not a guy… a lover) just a guy in the house I was living in in Japan, where many of us foreigners were living and working in Tokyo, it was called a ‘Gaijin house’, well this guy, was a therapist, a bodywork therapist, coming from Osho commune, in India although he was English, he was an Osho sannyasin, there was something deep and mysterious about him, his name was Anu.
I booked ten sessions with him, which was a deep type of body work called Osho Rebalancing, and it was the first introduction that introduced me to my inner world, my inner universe. That took me to such a depth of silence and deep, deep, deep peacefulness, a space, while at the same time my body…began to let go of all kinds of holding, because the bodies are carrying the trauma in every little corner… collected in the joints in the muscles in the …all over, right?
So I started with this bodywork and it wasn’t very long… first session or whatever… where this profound experience of being able to be so deep and still and quiet, and being able to watch, while at the same time a trauma in my body began to raise its head, and without me doing anything or trying for anything, an unraveling of an emotional release taking place. Like being the watcher of this releasing, just, you know, like a breakdown of tears, or a feeling of anger like I just want to kick and scream… that thing just being able to come through while I remained present, watching. WOW!
Until that point, I had only known becoming that emotional bag of release. Until that point, I hadn’t known a deep space of peace while that could unravel. And that got me…. phhoo… that got my attention, that got me hooked. That was the new focus, like a drug that took me to unknown spaces except this was just natural and free… that I became interested in. That was what I wanted to know more about. And that took me to Pune, to that Osho commune, right. So the whole journey started there and I became a therapist of that work. But anyway, that’s a whole other story…
The point that I wanted to make with this is that there there was a moment Here, and in your journey in various ways, a moment where that was shown to me to be possible.
And that gave me a little bit of space in my daily life when those feelings were activated, when something pushed my button, I was able to know a space in me. And that space started to grow, right, because I fell in love with it. That was like the beginning of a conscious search to know what, what is that? And what it was, was connection, reconnection to Source.
I could see the trauma, I could experience the trauma… fully, totally being present and feeling it all… while being connected at Source and having it come undone. And within that I could come to see “oh… oh… oh… oh that’s, that’s, oh that’s why”. So much understanding came through.
So that was the beginning of a love affair with coming undone.
A love affair with this connection, this real true connectedness — at some point of course, an Awakening to realize that I Am That.
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