How Do We Become More Mindful Regarding Relationships?

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To be more self-aware, particularly in matters of relationships, it is important that we work on our own flaws and have the ability to admit when we are wrong, And for this, it’s best that we start by acquiring the knowledge of Self-Realisation. It is only when we acquire Self-realisation from an Enlightened One, that with His grace, veil after veil of ignorance is lifted, which enables us to see, and more importantly, allows us to heartily accept our mistakes, one after another.

After Self-realization, it is easy to conduct healthy and opinion-free relationships, as owing to this Self-awareness, one is able to maintain separation from the worldly identity that one is most attached to otherwise. And owing to this separation, one gradually becomes impartial towards that worldly self. With the help of this impartial vision, one is able to see one’s own faults and flaws with better ease and clarity.

These mistakes are a result of the demerit karmas that we committed in our past life. And now in this life, rather than destroying our mistakes, if we only keep defending them in one way or the other, then these mistakes would only constantly increase and they would continue to torment us all the time.

So to destroy a mistake, it is important that we accept and regard it as a mistake; we cannot go on protecting it. The Enlightened One gives us the keys on how to open up the most difficult of locks in our life; this solves all our problems and nurtures harmony and oneness in our relationships.

Also, after realizing that ‘ I am a pure Soul’, the Enlightened One cultivates in us an interest of getting pure only. Hence, the willingness to see the faults and flaws that one has accumulated in the state of ignorance (of the Self) is profound thereafter. Due to this willingness, admitting the faults and clearing them as soon as possible becomes one’s important goal of life. One is always keen to find out where all I am wrong and how do I overcome this wrong so that I get purer and purer with every passing day!

When one realizes that it is my attachment, my own expectations, my demands, my possessiveness, my jealousy, my grudge, my complaints, my opinions, my insistence and my obstinacy that is constantly hurting my relationships, one readily admits that I am wrong and gets his head down to resolving these flaws and the hurt that these flaws have caused to the person and the relationship.

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And as a natural fallout of the above, one stops seeing the faults and flaws of that person too. One realizes that there are countless such mistakes within me, which I have not been able to see because of my strong inner beliefs that, ‘I am so and so, I have no faults, I am a very good person, the other person only is wrong, it is due to that person that this relationship has suffered, etc.’ I couldn’t see that these very inner beliefs made me partial towards my (worldly) self. And as a result, I saw the other person at fault, due to which the problems in our relationship could never resolve! This self-awareness heals the relationship very quickly and nicely!

Our attachment to our worldly self is our biggest impediment. This attachment does not let us rest and it keeps burning us from within. All our mistakes stem from this very attachment, and it further perpetuates many more unseen faults.

This attachment can break only after Self-Realisation because we then realise that our real Self is not the same as our worldly self (i.e., our body and name that we identify with). We really are a Pure Soul and without the knowledge of this real Self, there is no freedom from countless mistakes and flaws. When we acquire Self-Realisation, we no longer remain partial towards our mind, and body. And it is this very impartiality that allows us to see our faults, and flaws and admit them and destroy them, through the weapon of pratikraman, asking for forgiveness.

Seeing our own faults and flaws and accepting them as such is the beginning of inner peace and harmony with every living being. This starts when we apologise with a sincere heart for all the mistakes that have happened in dealings in our relationships and with anyone in life so far. Then harmony, oneness and love will arise within.