Honoring Boundaries And Clearing Generational Trauma
Many of my regular clients that I have been working with for years experienced deep maternal frustration this past month. Their mothers lacked the empathy and presence that was needed when they were young children. Many mothers were just trying to survive and did not have the luxury of honoring their emotions. They were never taught how to feel and express sadness, hopelessness, fear, etc.
They were only taught to push it down.
As a GenX, I can humbly share that I was frustrated with my young co-workers complaining about inappropriate behavior from men. My upbringing taught me that it was accepted and you just did what you had to do:
You pushed it down.
Well, the younger generations taught me that uh, NO YOU DON’T!!! Yeah, apparently you don’t have to endure sexual harassment to keep your job. What a concept!
The wisdom, fire, and emotions that come with each new generation are clearing and shifting the generational trauma.
I see that we are getting better with each generation because more and more of us are consistently taking the time to self-reflect.
Many of us now know that emotions are stored in the body until they are honored and released. The more we honor, the more we feel safe in our vulnerability because we know the power of it.
Many of us are clear that our frustration with our parents’ “lack of” or “inability to” doesn’t change them.
However, we are beginning to shift the focus and see that our willingness to self-reflect, and our desire to be present, and our intention to be loving changes us.
We are learning better boundaries.
We are allowing ourselves to be still with the experience.
We are experiencing the energy moving again. It’s pushing us to step into more.
When challenges with mamas, or other boundary-testing experiences, come up, it really helps to have a clear example of what to say or just mentally refer to, to feel clear, safe, and empowered:
~Mom, I know that my choices are not what you would choose, but please understand that what you said hurts my feelings.
~Mom, I know my parenting style is different than yours. I see that my children’s strong emotions make you uncomfortable, but please do not shame me or them. I want them to honor their feelings.
~Hey Self, I see you trying to do it all again. Remember that we decided if we began to feel overwhelmed, we would give ourself permission to be still.
~Hey Self, I see you changed your mind but are too scared to say something. It’s OK to say, “No, thank you. I changed my mind.”
~Mama, I am so sorry that I did not understand what you experienced until my own experience. I am so sorry that I lacked the empathy that you needed at the time.
Every time that we let people know what isn’t working, without feeling bad about it, we are empowered by the clarity and by our ability to communicate our needs.
Every time that we honor our boundaries, we are no longer giving energy to the things that don’t feed our soul, to the relationships that don’t expand our being.
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