Dealing With Heart Break
Love doesn’t hurt and love cannot be Broken
These are my opinions, how I began to heal from my heartache. When my relationship of five years ended it felt like my heart was destroyed! I felt like I have died. I invested so much of myself and my time into this person hoping for a bang in return, my happy ending.
When our heart breaks we experience a form of death, but some are fortunate to come back to life and recover. A broken heart is the feeling that we are not loved anymore, and we are somehow so alone and lonely. My realization showed me how I did not truly love my entire being unless someone liked or loved me first.
Love cannot be broken and separated from our being. Self-rejection is very painful, this is the egos doing! When we love ourselves unconditional, then we will never feel rejected, this was me subconsciously rejecting myself.
See our first love is from our parents when we have not received a healthy parental love we spend our lives seeking it from the outside, this dying endless desire to feel accepted and complete within. Since our parent rejected us as a child, it never goes away until we heal the heart.
Heart chakra work allowed me to feel independent within self-love, I no longer was dying for my parent’s views, love and acceptance. I came here to accept me and live my own life. We are all already loved, and we are never alone. loneliness and being alone are not the same thing.
Can I live single and very happy without that sad feeling, the need to be in a relationship? Can I treat myself and be loving to myself?
It is only natural to feel deep sadness and disappointment, the terrible idea of expectation and assuming things will go my way was a flaw. We are not in control of the future, life has a way of putting us in situations for us to learn.
When my relationship was over, I had to ask God what is my purpose, where does the universe want to move to next because it was never my choice. Life is about having experiences for our soul’s mission. What was I supposed to learn from my last relationship so that I grow in self-love?
The ego feels entitled and naturally feels insecure with such pride. Oh, how dare someone rejects me. I am so awesome and amazing whoever is with me should worship me or be with me. Ego is also competitive.
When we broke up it really was pride that made me break my own heart, no one is powerful enough to crush our hearts unless we give them our total essence. It’s important to keep our self-worth and a good self-image. We are our own person, no one is making our worth we are.
We are complete and full before we get into any relationship. I had to stop putting my partner as a higher being who should validate my worth. We are all beautifully unique and awesome, even with our flaws and inner challenges. There was no point in me dying for someone to love me when I can first love all of who I am. We have our own self-validation.
I came here to share the love I already have within and for myself, this is unselfish love. I did not come here to love another person to make them happy. I hope they are already happy so that they can share their happiness and love with me. I would do the same. I noticed that I used to be in relationships for insecure reasons.
My selfish ego made me refuse that there is always someone else better for me. First I had to work on my self-esteem, I had to validate myself first. I had to look in the mirror and fall in love with myself again, hug, kiss and celebrate myself for all the good things about me.
Who am I before I connected with this person? This helped me remember who I am originally before I fell in love, and what made (me) feel special and unique. Then I had to really look at my parental issues, maybe my mother did not show me enough love and attention. Or maybe she gave me too much attention.
Maybe my father did not show me enough love and masculine attention. My parents probably fought in front of me too much. This impatient dying need to be loved or to be in a relationship had to go. I needed to see how well I would be emotionally just being single.
Sometimes we can lose ourselves within others, why did I give up so much of myself just to receive or feel loved? I meditated back and began to feel abandoned as a child. Now I know the root and began my healing process. The feeling of gods love for me is equivalent to me loving myself unconditionally.
What I learned during my chakra healing sessions, Reiki, meditation and speaking to higher self, God or what you want to call the higher power. I learned that sometimes we meet people for a season. I met her for a season but I could not realize that because I was suffering from separation anxiety, this caused me to be (codependent).
Looking back with my eyes now open, because I choose to heal, I see how she was abusive at times. I was being too passive because I saw her as the master of my self-worth. So I did a lot and gave her everything for her love, acceptance, and approval. I also created a false perception of her to keep myself in denial.
I put her on a high pedestal as a loving perfect faithful person. If I had already loved and accepted myself first, and carried myself with good self-esteem, feeling worthy of genuine love and respect, I wouldn’t have stayed with her all those years. I did not feel worthy that I could do better.
Matter of fact I would have met the perfect girl for me if I was wise lol. But I had to meet her to grow out of my weakness, shame, worthless and self-hate. I was in denial dragging her along because I did not feel that I could do better. (I am sure she saw this). So when she finally dumped me for a more confident man, I felt crushed and used.
I cried so hard because I let her get away with so many things. The pain is really us giving away all of our power! I assumed that if I am really nice and good to her, she would never hurt me. Others can only treat us based on how we feel about ourselves.
I felt worthless underneath my mask, so she went with another man later. I learned to never make someone feel that they are higher than me and to treat them with love and respect, but also show that I love myself just as much, respect myself while seeing them as my equal.
If I felt disrespected I would speak up instead of being so passive. This way I don’t give too much out of fear. I didn’t say start up a heated argument, just tell her/him how you feel without judging and criticizing.
Love doesn’t end, once it leaves the universe sends it right back without the need to search for it. I just kept rejecting myself, making all these excuses just to feel sad and lonely, like a victim. This is O.k, this is how some of us learn about genuine self-love.
What am I worth, am I really deserving of this love fortune? Yes, we are, love is owed to all of us. But first, we must love and accept all of who we are to receive the right person. I spent so much time giving all of myself up to her which was not wise. Now that I love who am inside, I have learned to give love and be open to receive it.
If I was not receiving the love that I felt that I deserved, then I would move on without guilt. I am not saying do not put in an effort and just leave, love and relationships take time to grow like flowers. I am not saying she should love me the same way I show my love either, she should express love her own way. We both should feel appreciated.
When we let go of others that do not treat us right, we are asking the universe to send us the right person for us regardless of sexual preference. Resistance is staying in an unhappy relationship, feeling needy must be addressed first. I feel that we all deserve to be treated with love if we are honestly sharing love with others.
My feelings of loneliness and fear that I was not cool, put me in a victim situation. So I had to heal my heartache before I got into another serious relationship. I did not want to experience the past again. Yes, I felt angry because I used to believe that I should have been smarter.
No, I was not fully aware of my weaknesses, meeting her helped me see who I (thought) I was. So I thank her, I thank God for the mission God wanted to experience in my vessel. God’s human experience in my body.
In order to find (the one), we need to experience a certain amount of relationships with others first, this way we grow from each experience, not hatred and many years regret and grief.
Now I know what I like, and what I do not. Each person we brake up with, in our subconscious mind, we record by the memory of all the good things we like in that person. There is always something we like about that person, even if the relationship did not last.
We also record the bad we did not like too. The good and bad can be a physical trait, the sound of their voice, their style, an attitude or a smile etc. Now when we meet the next person, they will have the good parts of the last person. Well, it depends. the less anguish we have from the previous relationship, the good things we want in the next person will dominant.
Because we are not focusing on what we don’t want in our next relationship.
I noticed that whatever bad that I put up with, showed me how much I did not like or accept myself. So what happens when we learn to like and accept ourselves? We move on. No one can use us or abuse us unless we let them.
We just have to look within and correct our insecurities; we are never doomed with sadness and loneliness. I was the cause of my own loneliness, there is someone who is feeling the same way we feel sitting at a park etc. The universe will push you and that person together.
We naturally attract others who are like us, who are going through or went through what we have but in another area. I used to repel others which caused my loneliness. I made every excuse to be lonely. Why do we let one mere mortal define our happiness?
Who am I?
Once again parental love. Chasing love was one of my bad habits, doing so just kept me meeting the wrong person which kept me hating myself. I resisted the right person for me and kept chasing for this fantasy. I just didn’t like who I was. I felt when I get with this particular girl, then I would look or feel awesome.
I thought that something was missing within me and kept searching for it externally, this kept me attracting the wrong person, I just kept getting used. I also learned that we are whole before we get into a relationship. Sometimes I felt like I have lost a part of me. This was only because I did not love myself unconditionally first, therefore I never felt complete.
I always needed someone outside of me to feel whole, happy, and alive. We do not need others to fill in what we feel is missing inside. We are masculine and feminine energy, we are whole, and we are spiritual beings. You are as perfect as you are no matter what.
So I had to ask myself, should I hate her? But this resentment and regret was a weight on my emotional body, it even disturbed me mentally. I worked on my heart chakra to help me understand my grief. I began to see all of the good reasons why the universe needed me to meet her, and the bad reasons that were keeping me sad started to not make sense anymore.
We meet others to learn about who we are to grow, not every relationship is guaranteed to last. This is by design as our soul moves about to carry on and experience other missions here on earth. Sometimes we meet others on undercover spiritual missions too, like to protect someone for a certain amount of time by being in their life.
Or they were here to protect us for a certain amount of time. I fell in love with her deeply because I felt so lonely and abandoned deep within. Originally she was trying to be a good friend, but I was so lovesick. With my eyes open I now see that I was never in love, but I thought I was because that was my first relationship with a female.
I also once had what others called a captain save hoe mentality. I wanted to save her so bad because she was depressed like me. But I had to let go, took many years to let go of my regret. I had to accept that it was up to me to validate my self-worth, not my lover.
We are beautiful spirits originally, so we are all amazing, worthy and important. It’s not based on others opinions of us or what we have. We can still feel good about ourselves. I also do not like the word dumped, never say that you were dumped. This word is a curse and can throw us off.
This word dumped caused many to do extreme things, this word which makes us feel dumped can affect us psychologically. You are valuable, needed, useful and important, being in a romantic relationship does not make us all of a sudden special.
Sometimes the relationship ends because people change. If one wants to grow and the other person wants to stay being who they are, then it will end by nature’s doing. What I advise is to take time to reflect. I had to swallow my pride and be fully honest with myself so that I can grow from my previous relationships.
If I felt she was worth it, then I had to challenge my old belief and change it, it was painful but possible. Maybe I was too selfish, greedy, too docile, apathetic, depressed, needy, complacent, mean, and not compassionate enough. My relationship could not mature with these flaws.
I pay attention to my past pain and then the conflicts we had to see where I went wrong because the ego and pride will always try to make it seem like I was some innocent victim. I was wrong too and I lied too etc. I always lied to myself saying that I was always right, this was selfish of me.
There are two sides to everything so we both were right and wrong. This is why communication is very important, we can learn to understand each other’s views instead of criticizing and judging each other too harshly. Remember to keep loving yourself and others, and treat yourself with compassion too which is a 24-hour job.
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