Indecisive About Life? Follow These 8 Steps And You’ll See Everything Turn Around
“Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. I have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk failure. Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins.” -Charles Stanley
Fear is instilled in all of us in one way or another, and it’s the way we handle it that really reflects our character. We can surrender to fear and let it determine who we are, or we can fight back, overcome it, and be determined to grow into better versions of ourselves. We all have the strength within us to fight back. Sometimes we just need a little help and motivation to get there.
I was once someone who seemed to have it all figured out. I had always felt so secure and confident in who I was and what I wanted out of life. I had a “plan” of how I imagined my life to be, and I was sure I knew how I would feel with every new obstacle and challenge I was faced with. But, was I wrong.
There I was, about to be another year older and so fear-struck with life and the big changes that were coming my way that I couldn’t do anything but feel stuck. I was newly engaged, about to graduate from college. These were HUGE things in my life that I had always wanted and worked so hard at. But for some reason, I felt terrified for the next steps in my life. Why?
I found myself beginning to second guess and over analyze everything I had done and what I was going to do moving forward. “Why didn’t you just go away to college when you were younger? Why did you pick this degree, are you sure you even like it? Is marriage something I really want? Do I really want children one day? What if I fail in my career, in my marriage, and as a mother?”
These were the types of questions I was asking myself, and all it did was drive me nuts and make me feel more stuck than I have ever felt in my entire life. I couldn’t move forward and feel confident with any decisions I was making simply because I feared failure. This kind of fear sucks the life out of you; it’s exhausting, and I was tired of being fearful of life and my future.
I decided to seek help because I just couldn’t seem to get my thoughts in order the way I had always done in the past. I needed an outsider’s opinion looking in. I needed someone with an unbiased opinion to see me for who I truly was and what I truly wanted. This was my first step in looking fear straight in the face.
People tend to have this negative stigma about therapy. Like, “Oh my, something must be wrong with her mentally if she needs therapy.” Wrong! Therapy is actually an eye-opening journey of discovering yourself. It is like looking in a mirror and allowing yourself to see your flaws and strengths and understand why you are the way you are. It is truly an amazing experience and a breath of fresh air.
What I learned in therapy changed me for the better. It made me realize the fears I was feeling were totally normal, especially with the big transitional period I was in. It allowed me to gain sight of the things I wanted again with a clear mind. Of course I wanted to marry this amazing man who I spent 7 years of my life with building the best memories, of course I want children of my own that I could watch grow and learn and see myself in, of course I chose this degree because it is something I love and I do want to make a career out of it.
And guess what, there are probably going to be multiple times where I fail as a wife, a mother, an employee, and I am sure many other things. But that’s okay, because failure leads to success. We are not perfect, we are human. And our mistakes in life promote growth.
These are the most valuable things I learned throughout my journey. These are the things that allowed me to see clear again.
SEE ALSO: 5 Lessons In Parenting From Buddhism
1) Understand that fear is a part of all of us regardless of the form it comes in.
Fear is a normal part of being a human. Some of us fear snakes, or spiders. Some of us fear failure or being alone. Others may fear rejection or commitment, etc. Whatever your fear may be, you need to understand that it is okay to have those feelings. Don’t beat yourself up over being scared. Remind yourself that you’re human and fear is a natural response to situations we may be in.
2) Be productive.
I found the worst thing you can do is sit around and think. Force yourself to get out and have fun. A distracted mind really helps your thoughts and helps to put things in perspective. Sitting inside and thinking will only make things worse. Go work out, be with friends, or do your hobby. These were all things that helped me be productive.
3) Confide in someone you trust. You may be surprised that you’re not alone.
Whether you confide in a therapist, relative, or friend, knowing you’re not alone is a great feeling. For me, I confided in all three. I actually had a friend who was also recently engaged and she had some of the same fears with marriage as I did. It helped me realize that we are truly never alone. Knowing you can simply just talk and get stuff off your chest is an amazing stress reliever.
4) Keep moving forward no matter how fearful you are.
In my moments of weakness and looking back on my life, I realized the moments I was most fearful and pushed through were some of the best times of my life. These were the times when I proved myself wrong, these were the times I grew great amounts, and these were the times that I felt secure and confident. There is something powerful that happens inside of us when we overcome our fears.
5) If you’re fearful about a certain situation in life or a decision, remind yourself how you got there.
One of the best things I found was using my rational thoughts to overpower my irrational thoughts. When going through my own struggles, I was constantly reminding myself that fear feeds off of our irrational thoughts. When I was feeling fearful, I made it a point to have my rational thoughts chime in and tell myself everything was okay.
6) Be positive. The hardest thing, but also the most effective thing you can do.
A shift in perspective really enlightens you. Sometimes we all can get in a negative mind set. But to stay and wallow in it is self-destructive. If you find yourself being negative about life, a decision, or situation, whatever it may be, force yourself to remain positive. Continue to think positive thoughts. It isn’t easy to do when you’re in a negative state of mind, but it is possible!
7) If fear has you feeling lost, start your own journey of self-discovery.
Embarking on a journey of self-discovery is powerful. People can do this in different ways, and no one way works for the same person. For me, it was through therapy, travel, alone time, and trying new things. Discovering your true authentic self has a way of clearing up all the other loose ends in your life. It is the most rewarding and beneficial thing you can do for yourself.
8) Never give up. It’s cliché, but it’s so true!
Continue to grow, move forward, and challenge yourself. It is when you stop doing these things that you may find yourself feeling stuck. I was in a position where life had been the same for so long and I stayed in my comfort zone, and this made me stuck which in turn made me indecisive. I hadn’t had a big life changing event in so long that I forgot what it felt like. If you continue to move ahead and push your limits you will always be the best version of yourself.
Always remember that you are stronger than you think and you are more capable than you believe. If you find yourself feeling stuck in life and fearful, do not surrender, challenge yourself. I can promise you that you will overcome great obstacles and come out a better version of yourself. I am happy to say I feel excited about life again and all the great changes coming my way. I have never felt more ready to start these new chapters of my life, and I can say that with confidence!
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