Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Moving On… From Relationships!
I divorced my husband of 15 years (18 total being together) 4 years ago, almost to the day. (Always so weird to remember;)) So, while I am a super extremist hard core advocate of Happiness and Self Love and walking away when it is the last alternative or action for lasting resolution, I don’t think every relationship is cookie cutter and divorce is the only answer.
As with our own evolution, I believe we are entering a time when there are many many ways of operating in the daily life while harmonizing and standing in our inner truth and love.
But, what happens when it’s “done to us” first?
What happens when we aren’t ready to pull the plug, but “they” do?
What happens when it’s a sneak attack (shall we say)?
How do we, first and foremost, resolve the relationship from inside of ourselves?
How do we “end” something deep within our own minds and hearts when we weren’t ready, or didn’t want that?
And, even if it is our choice to dissolve the current form of the relationship, how do we stop ourselves from experiencing emotional parasites such as guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger,….?
Well, the simple answer to everything is always- you can’t stop anything which already IS. You can only allow everything things/feelings/emotions/thoughts to arise and fall away in its own time. When you reject anything, deny or suppress anything, you actually end up feeding it and making it stronger.
So, instead, remain the Supreme Witness to your emotions, your thoughts, your physical sensations with unconcerned interest and curiosity. Because, I will tell you, some of those thoughts which will bubble up, are clues and guides for necessary actions in the present moment.If you are steady enough in your Self and own up to your own thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions, AND YES- Self Sabotage and Self Aggression (WE ALL DO THIS TO SOME DEGREE! DO NOT FREAK OUT ABOUT IT!), …I repeat, IF you are steady enough in your Self and own up to all that is happening within and without in THIS present moment, the answers are there for you.
When you live on rerun, that is a different story. No one can change past history. No one can redo what has already been done. You can (and probably will) have regrets about things you said and did and the twists and turns life took.
BUT, the work is to remain steadfast in your commitment to uplift yourself in the present moment, rather than being dragged down into the abyss of your emotional and mental state.
This is hard work. I’m not going to lie.
The more the pain- the harder and more impossible the task to STAY with your Self in LOVE and ACCEPTANCE.
The thing is we love our pain. We love to be in pain. We are addicted to the painful relationship and the heartbreak and heartache and the past. We think that through analysis of the past we can change the present.
Well- only the present moment will create a new future. So, while it is super important and informative to learn about yourself and your brain’s patterning and your behavioral tendencies, what about using that information from therapy and yoga to now LIVE in the present moment and recognize what it is for you right now. It actually might not be painful right now. You actually might not be wanting things to be any different than they are right now. You might ACTUALLY be quite happy and content right now. But, you also might not know how you are right now because your habit is to continually analyze past pain and suffering while loving on your regret syndrome. “If only…” Ahh…. “poor me…”
Our society is living in a Victim Culture. Things are happening TO US and we are happy to blame our childhood, our boss, our co-workers, our spouse, our children, our in-laws (working on that;)ahaha!), whoever, whatever, wherever. We want to give away our responsibility for our life and our livelihood.
So, whether you are the one dissolving the relationship, or the one being dissolved from the relationship, stay within your own capacity to continue living in the eternal present moment. No matter how painful.
Don’t go back to the past. Acknowledge the feelings without becoming the feelings.
Good luck everyone! The life of the Yogi is never dull!
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